


Behind the Masks of Severus Snape: A Search for Family

by SevSnapelivesforever



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Alan Rickman Tribute, Cutting, De-Aged Severus Snape, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Healers, Hurt Severus Snape, Mentors, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Severus Snape Fest, Severus Snape Lives, Spanking, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Young Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevSnapelivesforever/pseuds/SevSnapelivesforever
Summary: [COMPLETE] The war is over, but Severus Snape is depressed. After being forced into the hospital wing by Albus, Minerva, and Poppy, he embarks on a journey of recovery. As he struggles with self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and briefly being de-aged, he comes to realize that his family has been there for him all along. Trigger warnings: contains self-harm and attempted suicide.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be found at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12308508/1/Behind-the-Masks-of-Severus-Snape-A-Search-for-Family

Severus Snape woke with a gasp, tightly grasping his wand as he frantically looked around to find the dark green walls of his quarters at Hogwarts. He took a shaky breath as tears streaked down his pale and gaunt face. Potter had ended the war just over a month ago, but nightmares had plagued Severus ever since his true loyalties had been discovered. He shuddered as he remembered the burn of the Dark Mark on that fateful night. He had known, as soon as he had apparated and laid eyes on the little muggleborn girl with shiny red hair and green eyes, that the Dark Lord was testing his loyalty.

" _The little girl's name is Lily, Severus. Quite a coincidence, isn't it?" Voldemort whispered mockingly. The girl was bleeding heavily and her green eyes pleaded with Snape to save her. Snape was barely able to tear his gaze away from the girl who resembled his only childhood friend and true love._

" _Yes, my lord. Quite a coincidence," Snape replied, raising his occlumency shields and fighting to keep his voice flat and void of the pain he felt. Nagini hissed and Voldemort raised an eyebrow._

" _Nagini tells me she smells anxiety on you, Severus. Are you worried for the life of the mudblood girl? I suppose she does look quite similar to your dear love Lily," Voldemort simpered. "Perhaps you are no longer loyal to me?"_

" _I am forever loyal to you, my lord. The girl is of no concern to me," Snape said stiffly._

" _I am glad to hear that, Severus. Now kill her," Voldemort commanded. Snape's mind was racing as he pointed his wand at the girl._

" _Accio!" Snape shouted as he felt the tug on his navel as his emergency portkey activated._

Severus let out a sob. He had been unable to the save the girl. His spell had lacked sufficient strength to overpower the wards the Dark Lord had placed, and once again, he had failed to protect Lily. Severus cursed his uselessness as he thought of all the students who had died in the war because he was too weak to protect them. It should have been him. He didn't deserve to still be alive from Nagini's bite. In a trembling daze, he stumbled to the loo and emptied the pitiful amount of food that was in his stomach. He had not eaten properly ever since the incident, feeling unworthy of food.

"Failure, murderer, burden, useless," Severus mumbled to himself. He staggered back to his room and frantically started rummaging through his trunk, throwing everything else onto the floor. Relief filled him as his fumbling hands grasped the handle of a knife. He returned to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror with disgust and loathing. Severus shoved up his sleeves, revealing thin, pale arms littered with scars from his biceps to his wrists. He gently traced the scars on his forearm with a bitter smile before slashing down on his skin, watching as the blade dug into his arm and instantly turned red. He kept cutting viciously, needing a release from his guilt. He needed the pain. This was his penance.

* * *

The meeting in the staff room was just about to start. Filius was chatting excitedly with Pomona and Remus about an article in the Daily Prophet, and Poppy and Minerva were discussing a certain missing potions master as they waited for Albus to appear.

"Poppy, has Severus been to see you lately?" Minerva asked worriedly.

"You know that the only way Severus would come to the hospital wing is if he was dragged there by magic," Poppy responded with a sigh. "I have been worried about him as well. He hasn't shown up for any meals since lunch yesterday."

"I noticed that. I asked the house elves if he'd ordered anything to eat, and they said that he hadn't. That means Severus has gone without three meals in a row, and he cannot afford to miss any meals! I'm worried about him, Poppy. He's already so thin," Minerva said with concern. Poppy laid a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"It isn't like Severus to miss a staff meeting. Maybe Albus has some information," Poppy said. The door opened to reveal the headmaster, and the professors stopped talking when they saw his worried expression.

"Albus dear, have you seen Severus lately?" Minerva asked her husband. Albus shook his head.

"No I have not, and he hasn't responded to my floo calls or visits to his quarters all day. I am reluctant to invade his privacy and dismantle his wards, but I fear that he is most likely ill and attempting to avoid a trip to the hospital wing," Albus said ruefully. He turned to address the rest of the staff. "I am afraid that we will have to reschedule this meeting. I need to check on Severus. Minerva, Poppy, if you could please accompany me to Severus' quarters." The staff nodded, knowing how their former student had been struggling during the past few months. It was reassuring to see Albus and Minerva become parental figures for Severus after the war. He had been alone for too long.

* * *

Down in the dungeons, Severus was sitting at his desk working on lesson plans for the upcoming school year. He had cleaned up the bathroom and applied a glamour on himself earlier in the day. To the untrained eye, his scarred arms now appeared to be silky smooth, and his skin had lost its pale color.

Severus glanced at the clock and swore; he was late for the staff meeting. He quickly strengthened his glamour and headed towards the door, hoping he could fool Minerva and Poppy who always mollycoddled him. Severus opened his door, only to find Albus dismantling his wards and two women glaring at him with their wands out. He could barely suppress the urge to slam the door and escape through the floo, but he knew that his efforts would be futile. Either Minerva or Poppy would probably stun him before the door shut, and if they didn't, the headmaster would find him wherever he hid in the castle. He had no choice but to face the inquisition and convince them that he was perfectly fine.

"Minerva, Poppy, Headmaster," Severus nodded in greeting. "I apologize for my tardiness. I was just working on my lesson plans and did not realize what time it was. Shall we head to the staff room together?" He forced a smile, but it must have looked more like a grimace if the women's increased glares were anything to go by. He cleared his throat and shifted nervously, an action that did not go unnoticed by his three colleagues.

"You have skipped three meals in a row, young man! We are taking you straight to the hospital wing to give you a full check-up, right now," Minerva said sternly.

"I am not a child anymore. I am an adult, and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself," Severus said harshly as he tried to move away from the intimidating witches. Poppy grabbed his wrist and Minerva held his other arm, causing Severus to hiss in pain. They all froze at the sound. Severus was never one to let others know he was in pain, and his mentors unfortunately knew that. Poppy and Minerva released his arms and trained their wands on him.

"You are obviously in pain, Severus. Now walk. We are going to the hospital wing this instant, and you are going to cooperate with me!" Poppy said sternly.

"Poppy please, as you can see, I look perfectly fine. I was merely irritated by your harsh grip on my wrist," Severus spat. "You will not find anything in your scan, so it will be a waste of time for all of us. I currently have a lot of work to do, so thank you for your concern, but please leave me alone." Poppy narrowed her eyes at Severus. She could tell he was desperate to hide something. He was always stubborn about check-ups, but he was never this evasive unless something was wrong.

"Yes, Severus, I can see that you look fine. However, looks can be deceiving. I will be scanning you for glamour charms," Poppy said shrewdly. Minerva's eyes widened in realization and then narrowed as she began looking for traces of magic on him.

"No, this can't be happening. They can't find out! I have to get out of here," Severus thought desperately, his mind racing in panic. His glamours might not fall under Poppy's spell, but they would be detected, and Albus would be able to remove them. He started hyperventilating, frightened eyes scanning his surroundings for the easiest escape. The two witches were in front of him, and he sensed Albus moving behind him.

"Severus, calm down son. Let Poppy give you a check-up. We need to find out what's wrong so that we can help you heal," Albus said, laying a gentle hand on his back. Severus shook his head frantically.

"No, no, no! I won't go! You- you can't make me!" Severus stuttered. His heart was beating so quickly he thought he might pass out. His legs felt like mush and his vision turned fuzzy. Knowing that this was his last opportunity to escape, he sprinted around the two witches and darted for the closest door. "Stupefy!" was the last word he heard before there was only darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus groaned as he slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the bright lights of the hospital wing. "I'm glad you're back with us, Sev," said the calm voice of Minerva. Severus yawned sleepily and tried to sit up, only to find himself mummified in blankets.

"Don't try to move, Severus, you are still very weak," Poppy warned. Severus sighed, trying to remember how he had come to be trapped in the hospital wing with Albus and the two mollycoddling witches.

"Oh Sevvy, why do you always neglect yourself to such extremes?" Minerva questioned, running her fingers through his hair. Severus scowled at her use of his childish nickname.

"Minerva, I am perfectly fine. You are overreacting. I was merely busy with my work, and I must have lost track of time and missed a meal or two. It is not a big deal, so if you would please release me…" he responded impatiently.

"No, Severus. I'm afraid it is a big deal. You have been working yourself to utter exhaustion. You are extremely underweight, malnourished, and sleep deprived. You are clearly breaking down from the stress, and if you keep ignoring the signs your body is giving you, then you will have no choice but to allow us to take care of you," Albus lectured sternly. Severus growled in frustration.

"And for exactly how long will I be detained here?" he spat bitterly.

"I will be keeping you here for at least a week, Severus, until you rest and reach a healthy weight. We have also agreed that you should see a mind healer," Poppy said, bracing herself for the explosion.

" _A MIND HEALER?_ " Severus yelled. "No, I will not talk about my _feelings_ to some random healer who wants me in Azkaban. You cannot force me to!" he hissed furiously. "Where's my wand?" He struggled to free himself from the cocoon of blankets, visibly seething in anger.

"Severus, as a Mediwitch, she does have the right to recommend that you see a mind healer," Albus countered, laying a hand on his shoulder. Severus shook it off roughly.

"I don't need a mind healer. I am perfectly fine!" he snapped. "Now where is my wand?" His eyes narrowed as the three exchanged looks. "What is it?" he asked warily after a minute of silent communication between his mentors. Albus sighed, breaking the silence. He leaned over the bed and gently pulled the tangled blankets off of his young colleague. Severus glanced down, and his eyes widened in horror.

"I'm afraid that your wand will only be returned to you once you can be trusted to not use it to harm yourself," Albus said gravely. "We know about your cutting, child. Your glamours fell while you were unconscious."

Severus let out a strangled gasp when he saw the bandages wrapped around his arms. "M-My glamours are gone. They must have seen everything. Merlin, no, this can't be happening!" he panicked, his breaths becoming shallow.

"Sev, it's alright. There's nothing to be afra-" Minerva began reassuringly, but it was already too late.

Severus was absolutely mortified. He hugged his legs to his chest and hid his face in his knees. He couldn't bear to make eye contact, knowing he'd see disgust and loathing in their eyes. His biggest secret was revealed to the only people who possibly cared about him, and now they would reject him. He couldn't blame them; they had seen his cuts, so they knew how repulsive and useless he was. Who would ever want to associate with a worthless, evil Death Eater like himself, anyway?

He needed to get out, now. Severus quickly tried to jump off the bed, only to be stopped by an invisible barrier. He fell back and tried again, becoming increasingly distressed with each failed attempt. His lungs screamed for air, and he desperately threw himself at the shield with a hysterical cry, his mind unable to process the soothing words of his mentors. Two strong hands came towards him and grabbed his arms with a gentle but firm grip, preventing his futile attempts to escape. Severus struggled frantically as a cool vial was pressed to his lips, and he was forced to swallow.

After a few moments, the calming draught entered his system and his breathing slowed down. Severus flushed in embarrassment and turned his back to his colleagues. He was ashamed to be seen in such a pitiful state. All he wanted to do was hide.

"Look at me, Sev. It's okay," Albus said softly. When Severus refused to face him, Albus gently grabbed his chin, forcing him to make eye contact with the man he thought of as a father. "Severus, you need to understand that you are extremely ill. You are terribly sleep deprived and malnourished from starving yourself. Your self-harm shows us that you do need help taking care of yourself, and you are going to stay here while we help you heal," Albus lectured gently.

Severus stared at his bandaged arms as tears slid down his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to. Please, don't keep me here. I have so much work to do," he pleaded.

"I'm afraid we can't let you leave, Sev. The war is over and you shouldn't keep suffering. You've sacrificed so much for the well-being of others, and now it's time to let others take care of you. We will handle your work. You just need to focus on resting, reaching a healthy weight, and healing. You aren't alone anymore. We're going to be here for you every step of the way, Sevvy." Albus sat down on the bed and tenderly wiped away the young man's tears while Minerva placed her hand on his cheek. They smiled when Severus leaned into her touch and nodded in understanding, closing his eyes. He was exhausted, and all he wanted to do now was rest. He slowly dozed off to the soft murmurings in the room and finally succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Severus' eyes flew open as he jerked out of his nightmare with a gasp. He sat up abruptly and looked around; he was in the hospital wing. Sighing in relief, he closed his eyes as Minerva gently wiped the sweat from his face with a cool, damp cloth. He opened his mouth to thank her but instantly clamped it shut as his stomach lurched and his face turned white.

"Severus, are you alright?" Minerva asked worriedly.

"Sick," Severus managed, before throwing up into the bag Poppy had quickly conjured. There wasn't any substance in his vomit, but he gagged painfully as his stomach convulsed. His body was drenched with sweat, and he collapsed against his pillows, panting for air. Minerva and Poppy exchanged a meaningful glance, and Poppy quickly headed to her potions cabinet, tinkering with the vials. Minerva sat down on the bed and gave her trembling young colleague a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. "W-Where's Albus?" Severus managed.

"He's in his office finishing up some work. He'll be here after you get some more rest. You've only been sleeping for a few hours," Minerva responded.

"No, please, I don't want to sleep anymore. I've gotten enough; this is more rest than I've had in a long time. Please, I'm fine!" He clung desperately to Minerva's arm, his breathing becoming shallow once again as images from his recurring nightmare flashed before his eyes.

"Okay, Sev. Just calm down," Minerva said soothingly. Poppy returned to his bedside and handed him a vial.

"Please drink all of this, Severus." Severus sniffed the potion and stared at it with suspicion. "It's a calming draught." She sighed when he made no move to drink it and grabbed the potion from his hands. Ignoring his murderous glare, Poppy firmly pressed the vial to his lips and tipped the liquid into his mouth. "Swallow," she ordered. Severus reluctantly did as she commanded, and within a few seconds, his eyelids had drooped, and his breathing had steadied.

"I-I knew it…try to trick... put dreamless sl…" slurred Severus. Soon he was fast asleep. The two women looked at each other and smiled sadly.

"That's our Severus. We can never get anything by you, can we?" Minerva murmured fondly. Poppy sighed.

"I don't imagine he will be very cooperative, Minerva, but he desperately needs to talk to someone. You and Albus are like his parents. Maybe both of you can convince him to see a mind healer, or at least encourage him to open up a bit."

"I know, Poppy, and we'll try our best. It's so painful watching Sev suffer like this." Minerva leaned over and kissed Severus on the forehead. "Oh, why are you so stubborn, my dear child?" she sighed. Poppy laid a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder as she cast a binding charm on Severus and warded the bed against self-harm.

"Let's go see Albus, Minnie. I think we could both use a dose of the cheering charm your husband puts on those accursed lemon drops he's addicted to," Poppy said with a friendly smirk. Minerva smiled.

"Indeed. I hope he hasn't been inhaling them too quickly today. I think his record is fifty in a day!"


	3. Chapter 3

Early the next morning, Severus stirred and slowly opened his eyes. "How are you feeling, my boy?" Albus inquired.

"I'm fine, Headmaster," Severus croaked, ignoring the clearly skeptical looks he received. "Will you please let me leave now?" he asked hopefully.

"No, Severus, you will be staying here until you have rested and reached a healthy weight. You will also be coming back for frequent checkups even after you are cleared to return to your quarters," Poppy reminded him, ignoring his infamous glare. "Now, drink a bit of water. It's been awhile since you've had liquid in your body." Severus took the glass with a shaky hand and hesitantly brought it to his lips. He sighed in relief as the water soothed his dry throat.

"Perhaps you should eat a little something as well," Albus suggested.

"I don't deserve food," Severus replied sadly. He really was hungry, but he knew that they shouldn't be wasting food on someone who had caused so many deaths. He already felt guilty for accepting the water and enjoying it.

"Severus, you deserve food just as much as anyone else!" Minerva choked, distraught by his heartbreaking words. Severus just shook his head stubbornly, causing Poppy to sigh as she summoned a house elf.

"Please bring half a bowl of chicken broth with rice," Poppy requested. The elf returned seconds later, and Poppy set the platter on the bedside. "Severus, if you don't eat something by yourself, we will have no choice but to force feed you, and I highly doubt that you'll like that," the Mediwitch warned. Severus sighed, and with Albus' help, slowly sat up in bed and put the tray on his lap. For the next few minutes he avoided eye contact and stared blankly at his soup, twirling the spoon around and around in the bowl. Minerva finally took the spoon from him and scooped up some soup. When Severus pressed his lips together and looked away, she reached out and firmly grabbed his chin, preventing him from moving his head. She then gently squeezed his jaw, forcing his mouth to open just enough to enable her to slip the spoon past his lips. Severus glared at her as he reluctantly swallowed the soup that had entered his mouth.

"Just twelve more spoonfuls, Sevvy, and then you won't have to eat until lunch," Minerva coaxed, trying to mollify him. Severus scowled but accepted the rest of the soup without complaint. "Good job, Sev. I'm proud of you." She kissed him on the head, and Severus blushed at the praise. It was beyond humiliating to be fed by his former professor, but he couldn't deny the warm feeling in his chest when Minerva took care of him like a son.

Once he had finished eating, the tray was banished and Severus started to lie down, only to be stopped by Poppy. His gaze shifted nervously between Minerva and Albus as they each grabbed one of his hands, effectively trapping his arms.

"W-What are you doing," he stuttered fearfully, cursing his voice for betraying his anxiety. Albus reached out and gently took Severus' chin with his other hand, forcing the young man to look at him.

"There is nothing to be scared about, Severus. Poppy is going to change the bandages on your arms, and then we are going to discuss your self-harm." Severus immediately wrenched his chin out of Albus' grasp.

"NO! No, I won't! You can't make me! Veritaserum is the only thing that could make me talk, and it's illegal unless used in a court case. Y-You know what? I don't care! Put me before the Wizengamot. I deserve Azkaban anyway," Severus screamed hysterically. He started struggling with all his might to free his hands, but Minerva and Albus kept a strong grip on him.

"You have been cleared of all crimes, Severus. And I will never let you see the walls of Azkaban," Albus said adamantly. His expression softened. "Please stop trying to escape and let Poppy change your bandages." When Severus' only reaction was to start kicking his legs, Albus sighed and pulled out his wand. "Immobulus!" he muttered.

With his arms and legs immobilized, Severus was absolutely helpless. To his utter horror, tears streamed out of his eyes and he started crying in despair.

"Please, let me go. I promise I'll be good. I'll eat and sleep and I won't cut myself! Please, I promise!" Severus pleaded. Minerva watched with tears in her eyes as she ran her fingers through the hair of the young man she considered her son. Poppy appeared from the supply room, took in the scene, and signaled to Minerva, who nodded in understanding and waved her wand.

"Accio calming draught." The potion flew into Minerva's waiting hand and she quickly uncorked it. "Open up, Sevvy. Drink this for me, okay?" She pressed the vial against his lips, and he swallowed obediently. As the potion calmed his system, Poppy approached the bedside, supplies in hand.

"I need to change your bandages now, alright?" Severus nodded in assent and squeezed his eyes shut as Poppy removed his bandages. It was too painful to watch as his shameful secret was exposed. He felt her rub a cream into his arms and winced at the sting, his eyes opening involuntarily. "It's a disinfectant cream. We don't want the newer cuts to develop an infection," Poppy said gently. Severus didn't respond as he stared at his ugly, scarred arms. There were angry red lines where he had last cut, and he flushed in embarrassment when he realized it was obvious they'd been made in the last few days.

Severus suddenly felt the enormity of the situation come crashing down on him. He tried to wrench his arms away from Poppy's grasp, only to find himself still under the immobulus charm. Albus, sensing his distress, laid a hand on his chest and sent a small stream of calming magic into his body, relieved when Severus relaxed again.

Once Poppy had finished bandaging his arms, she patted his cheek and left to give him some privacy with his two mentors. Albus laid a comforting hand on Severus' shoulder.

"Are you ready to discuss what has driven you to hurt yourself, my boy? Earlier, you said you felt you deserved to be in Azkaban for your crimes. Is that why you're cutting yourself?" Severus stared at the comforter, blinking furiously to prevent his tears.

"I-I'm sorry," he croaked.

"What are you sorry for, Sev?" Minerva asked.

"I-I'm such a failure," he burst out. "I'm useless in everything. I couldn't protect the students from the Carrows during the war. I might as well have murdered little Lily when I was discovered as a spy. I failed to save the lives of so many students under my care, and now I can't even fulfill my regular duties as a professor or brew the potions for the hospital wing! Since no one else will punish me, it's up to me to ensure justice for everyone I failed. Cutting is how I punish myself for my failures. I deserve the pain!" Severus cried, his shoulders shaking.

Minerva felt her own tears running down her cheeks as she listened to Severus' emotional outburst. She reached over and scooped him up into her arms, her heart clenching when she felt every single one of his ribs. "Oh, Sevvy, my baby boy. You are not a failure, and those deaths were not your fault. You did the best you could, and you sacrificed so much for others. You don't deserve any more pain," Minerva whispered comfortingly as she rocked him. Severus clutched her robes and buried his face, sobbing as he clung to the source of comfort he had craved for so long. After a few minutes, Severus stopped crying and gratefully blew his nose in the handkerchief Albus offered him. As he started to collect himself, his eyes widened when he realized Minerva was holding him like a baby. He looked at her pointedly and blushed when she gave a little chuckle and set him back down on the bed.

Severus crossed his arms and huffed indignantly, trying vainly to maintain the last shreds of his dignity. Albus merely chuckled and patted him on the head like he was a little puppy. "Well, there goes the last of it," Severus muttered dryly as he leaned back against his pillows in resignation. He closed his eyes and sighed, slowly dozing off to the feel of Minerva's fingers carding through his hair.

* * *

About an hour later, the sound of whispering roused Severus from his rest and he looked up, surprised to see Albus' solemn expression. "What is it?" he asked worriedly.

"I believe we should discuss the misconceptions you brought up regarding yourself," Albus said seriously. Minerva nodded in agreement, although her eyes flashed warningly. The message was clear; if he upset her Sevvy, he would be at the receiving end of her wand. Severus might be a Slytherin, but Minerva was as protective of him as she was of her lion cubs. Albus winced as he remembered the last time his wife had hexed him, and he quickly turned to meet Severus' questioning gaze.

"Severus, you need to understand that you are not a failure and that you are not useless. Your contributions to the war were invaluable, and Minerva and I are both very proud of your deeds and the person you have become. We know that you're going through a rough time right now, but we would like you to try talking with us next time you feel the urge to hurt yourself. Cutting may temporarily help you feel better, but self-harm is not the answer that will help you heal," Albus said seriously. He paused and looked at Severus for affirmation that he understood and, after receiving a nod, continued speaking with a slight smile on his face. "However, since you feel that you need a punishment, you will serve detention with me for the next hour. And after that, we will all eat lunch together," he finished, his eyes twinkling. Severus' jaw dropped.

"Detention? Albus, I'm not a student anymore!" Severus protested.

"No, but as my employee and honorary son, I believe that it is within my rights to correct your behavior," Albus replied lightly. Minerva grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.

"Albus, I'm not sure about this. Severus is still very ill-" Minerva began.

"I am well aware of that, Minnie," Albus interrupted. "Trust me, I will not do anything that would bring the formidable wrath of Poppy Pomfrey down on my head." They both glanced at Severus who was fidgeting nervously on the bed. "Sev clearly needs our help now, and we need to give be there to set boundaries and give him the parental guidance he never had as a child."

"Very well, I will leave you to it then. Please send me a patronus when it's time for lunch. I will check on the preparations for the upcoming school year," Minerva replied. "I'll see you at lunch, Sev." She kissed him on the forehead and left the hospital wing, leaving the two alone. Albus sat down on the bed and looked at his young professor.

"Severus, for your detention, you will be writing lines." Albus waved his hand and a desk appeared along with a sheet of parchment and a quill. Severus arched an eyebrow in surprise, wondering what message Albus wanted to impress upon him.

"What would you like me to write, Headmaster?" he asked curiously, looking up to meet his mentor's gaze. Albus stared deeply into his child's obsidian black eyes.

"I deserve comfort, care, love, and happiness because I am a worthy and good person. Fifty times, Sev," Albus replied softly. Severus blinked hard as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Abus, I-I can't-" he choked out. "It's not tru-"

"Yes, you can, my son," Albus interrupted firmly. "And it is true. You deserve all of those things, and nothing will ever change that." Severus choked back a sob before flinging his arms around his mentor. Albus held him tightly while tears rolled down both of their cheeks. After a few minutes, Severus let go and wiped his eyes.

"Yes, sir," he whispered, and began to write.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Time had passed slowly for Severus. Although his urges to self-harm were not gone, his mental state had greatly improved after he began sleeping and eating properly. He was still on the light side but had reached a healthy weight. After a week under Poppy's care, Severus was finally well enough to leave the hospital wing.

Severus stared at the door, waiting impatiently for Poppy to release him. As soon as he saw her office door open, he quickly swung his legs over the bed.

"Am I free to go now?" he asked eagerly. Poppy shook her head in mock despair and took out her wand.

"Let me run a last few diagnostic spells, and then you may go." Severus rolled his eyes but let her do her work without interruption. The sooner she was done, the faster he could leave this dreaded place. "All right, Severus. You are free to go. But don't forget about your checkup appointments," Poppy reminded him.

"I won't. Thank you, Poppy," he said sincerely as he sped towards the door as quickly as his self-respect and dignity allowed. As the most feared professor at Hogwarts, he would not be seen sprinting away like one of the little dunderheads he taught. Severus had just reached the door to freedom when Poppy called him back. He turned around and looked at her imploringly.

"We better see you at lunch, young man," Poppy said sternly. Severus gave a half-hearted nod and started to leave. "If I see you missing any meals, you will be dragged right back here for another week, understood?" Severus' eyes widened imperceptibly at her warning. He would do whatever Poppy wanted if it meant avoiding being stuck in the hospital wing again. With a curt nod, Severus turned on his heel and strode happily back to his dungeons.

* * *

Poppy watched with a fond smirk as her most stubborn patient nearly sprinted out of the room. Laughing lightly at his eagerness to leave, she turned around and made her way to the fireplace. Throwing a handful of floo powder into the flames, she stuck her head in and called, "Albus Dumbledore's office."

Albus was talking with Minerva when Poppy's head appeared in the fireplace. "Is everything alright, Poppy? Has your favorite patient finally made his escape?" he asked, his eyes twinkling. Poppy nodded with amusement.

"I just released him. I was planning on applying a few subtle monitoring spells before he left, but my diagnostic scan revealed that he already has multiple charms on him. Did one of you place them?" she asked.

"Yes, I thought it would be wise to spell him with my own monitoring charms that he cannot remove by himself. I believe he still has urges to self-harm, and there's the possibility that he might try to kill himself," Albus said solemnly. Poppy looked surprised at the mention of suicide.

"Do you think he will try to commit suicide? He seems to be acting like his old self again," she commented. Minerva sighed.

"We're not sure. Severus hasn't opened up very much, and since neither of us are trained as mind healers, we have been unable to help him beyond showing that we care. We all know how he hates to be seen as weak or vulnerable, so he is quick to hide behind his long-practiced mask of impassiveness. We still do not know what triggered his self-harm in the first place, so we took precautions in case a trigger drives him to self-harm again or attempt suicide," Minerva responded sadly. Poppy nodded in understanding.

"Does he know about the charms? Or have you kept them a secret?"

"We did not tell him. Severus hates to be coddled, and he would be quite annoyed if he knew he was being monitored. He would likely consider the charms to be restrictive of his freedom and independence. However, since he refused to see a mind healer, it seemed the only choice to ensure his safety. If he attempts anything, we will be immediately alerted and should be able to prevent permanent harm," Albus explained.

"Will his wand be returned to him even though he might use it to harm himself?" Poppy asked worriedly. Minerva sighed.

"Yes, it will be. While we would prefer to monitor him for longer before we return it, after the news in today's Daily Prophet, it is essential that Severus has his wand for protection." They all glanced at the front page of the paper where a picture of a deranged Bellatrix Lestrange promised vengeance for her master.

"The wards surrounding the castle are strong, but they are not yet fully repaired from the damage caused in the Final Battle. Bellatrix will most likely come straight for Severus, and if she is able to get into Hogwarts, he needs to be able to defend himself," Albus said.

"Severus just never seems to catch a break," Poppy sighed sadly. "We can only hope that the Aurors catch her before she reaches the castle." She glanced at the clock. "I must get back to work now, but I will see you both at lunch. Thank you for the information." Poppy pulled her head out of the fireplace and returned to her office, muttering fiercely. "Touch even one hair on Severus' head, Lestrange, and you will be in for the battle of your life."

* * *

Severus couldn't help but smile as he inhaled deeply. He had greatly missed the smell of his potions lab. After checking his stores and finding that everything was sufficiently stocked, Severus selected the ingredients for a calming draught. He had probably drank almost half of Poppy's calming potions within the past week, if his calculations were correct. Severus opened his supplies cupboard and picked out a cauldron, stirring rod, and potions knife. His fingers briefly lingered on the knife as he gently traced the edge of the blade, but he quickly returned to his brewing station. He could resist the urge for now.

After a few hours of brewing, Severus decanted the last batch of the potion and made his way to the Great Hall for lunch. It was time to make an entrance.

Arranging his expression into a fierce scowl, Severus threw open the doors and stalked to the High Table, his robes billowing menacingly behind him. He glared at the surprised looks he was receiving from his colleagues. "What?" he snapped, as he took his seat between Minerva and Remus. Everyone quickly looked away and he smirked. The formidable greasy git of the dungeons was back in business.

Remus was the first to speak. "Severus, it's nice to see you again. We've missed you at meals these past few days."

Severus sneered. "I unfortunately had other pressing matters to attend to, so I was unable to enjoy your wonderful company, Lupin," he said sarcastically. Remus merely nodded mildly and turned to ask Filius to pass the rolls.

Severus found lunch to be quite enjoyable. He was happily making snide and snarky remarks, and had just finished insulting Trelawney when Minerva turned and glared at him. "Severus Tobius Snape, you will watch your mouth. You may be thirty-two years old, but I will gladly teach you a lesson over my knee, if need be!" Minerva threatened in a low voice. Severus felt his cheeks flush as his face turned crimson.

"Minerva, really. I am no longer a naughty child that you can pull over your lap whenever you please," he responded stiffly.

Minerva raised her eyebrows and subtly scooted her chair back enough to free her knees from the table. "Would you like to test me, young man?" she asked warningly. Severus' eyes widened as she grabbed his arm and tugged it towards her lap.

"No thank you, Professor. I apologize for my rude words," he said hastily. Minerva nodded in satisfaction and released his arm. Severus quickly glanced around, hoping nobody had heard Minerva threatening to spank him like a naughty schoolboy. He caught Albus' twinkling eyes and ducked his head. "Damn that infernal twinkling," he thought to himself as he blushed even more. Needless to say, Severus was quite well behaved for the remainder of the meal.

* * *

After lunch had finished, Severus found himself sitting in Albus' office as he waited curiously for the headmaster to speak.

"Severus, have you read today's Daily Prophet yet?" Albus inquired.

Severus blinked in surprise. "I have not. That Skeeter woman always writes such rubbish in her articles. Why, what's happened?" he asked. Minerva reached out and passed the paper to him with a trembling hand. Severus worriedly took it and stared at the front page with barely concealed dread.

"Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange Escapes from Azkaban!" the headline screamed. Severus quickly skimmed the article. "Last loyal follower of You-Know-Who, vows revenge for her master, completely insane… already knew that part," he muttered. "Ah, there it is. A promise of a painful death for the traitor, Severus Snape." Severus looked up at his mentors, keeping his face impassive. "Well, her escape isn't really a surprise, considering the incompetence of the Azkaban guards," he said flatly. "I would, however, like my wand back for protection."

"Of course, Severus," Albus said as he handed him the slim piece of black wood. Severus quickly took it, smiling when he felt the familiar warmth spread through his fingers. He glanced back at Albus who was looking concerned. "Severus, the protections around the castle are not yet at full strength. While it will still be difficult, Bellatrix may be able to slip through the wards. The staff will all be on guard, but you will need to be especially careful sinc-"

"Since her main goal is to brutally kill me. Yes, I understand, Albus," Severus interrupted. "I've spent many years with the Death Eaters. I am well aware of the horrors Bellatrix is capable of inflicting upon me."

"Oh, Severus," Minerva said worriedly. "Maybe you could temporarily move into your old bedroom in our quarters so that you won't be all alone in the dungeons. The wallpaper still has the emerald green snakes that you liked so much in your fourth year," she said hopefully.

"Minerva, I am not a teenager anymore. I've survived countless duels with other Death Eaters, and I will not be defenseless against Bellatrix. I will be perfectly fine in my own quarters," he replied gently, laying a reassuring hand on her arm. "I will see you both at dinner." He stepped into the fireplace and called out, "Severus Snape's Office, Hogwarts." He released the floo powder and disappeared in a flash of green flames.

* * *

Severus stepped neatly out of the fireplace and into his office. He stopped cautiously when he saw the howler that was waiting on his desk along with the rest of his mail. Severus immediately took out his wand to scan it, and much to his surprise, it was completely clean of dark magic. "Hmm… perhaps an angry message from a concerned parent whose little monster is crying about returning to school with the dreaded Potions Master?" he wondered. He tapped it with his wand and froze when he heard the giggling singsong voice of Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Snapey, Snapey, Snape. My favorite little traitor! You didn't think that Azkaban could hold me a second time, did you?" she laughed maniacally. "Oh, we are going to have so much fun together once I find you. Of course, you always have been a big coward, so maybe you'll just hide behind your dear mentors' wands. But old Dumbles and McGonagall won't be able to hide you forever. Little light spells are nothing against the unforgivables, and as soon as I kill them, I'll come find you. It'll be lovely to see the horror in your traitorous eyes when you realize that you are the one responsible for their deaths. I'll see you very soon, Snapey. I can't wait for our _playdate_."

The howler ripped itself apart as Severus sank heavily into his desk chair. Guilt and worry came crashing down on him, and he buried his head into his hands and trembled. He couldn't bear to be responsible for any more deaths, and he would sooner kill himself than allow Albus and Minerva to sacrifice their lives for the likes of him, a worthless murderer. Severus knew that their magical cores were still weakened from the war, and if it did come down to a fight between Bellatrix and his mentors, light spells would only last for so long against dark curses designed to kill. But he could prevent that from happening. He knew how Bellatrix's mind worked, and right now her main target was him. She would take pleasure in killing Albus and Minerva no doubt, but she would not go out of her way to kill them if he was already dead and couldn't be tortured by that knowledge. Yes, it was clear to him now. This was his chance to finally atone for all of the deaths he had caused. He would commit suicide, and then Bellatrix would no longer be after the people he loved.

Severus took out a piece of parchment and started writing a last note to Albus and Minerva. After explaining his reasons for committing suicide, he acknowledged how thankful he was for everything they had done for him. Minerva and Albus had acted as his unofficial parents ever since fourth year when his abusive father had died. They had cared for him like their son, and had even created a small room for him in their quarters. It hadn't been safe for their relationship to be widely known, since he was a Slytherin and his peers and their parents were either Death Eaters or supporters of the Dark Lord, so it was kept a secret between the three of them. By the end of his fifth year, although there was no legal bond, Severus had finally started to consider Albus and Minerva family. Unfortunately, his fragile trust had been broken after the Shrieking Shack incident. Severus was greatly shaken by his near-death experience and had felt deeply betrayed when his father figure had sworn him to secrecy and let Black off with a mere warning and detention. That incident, along with the intense peer pressure from his housemates, had driven Severus to join the Death Eaters. But Minerva and Albus had never given up on him. As soon as he had realized his terrible mistake and returned to the Light side, they had forgiven him and welcomed him back with open arms. It was more than he deserved.

Severus struggled to write the ending as his vision blurred and a few silent tears dripped onto the parchment. He quickly finished up by saying he knew that they might be upset, but that this was for the best. It was painful to know that he'd never see them again, but he knew he was doing the right thing. He would not let any more innocent people die for him.

Severus sealed the envelope and set it neatly on his desk. It was time. He flicked his wand and muttered a spell, activating the wards that would block entrance by door or floo. By the time they came to check on him for dinner, he would already be dead. His eyes fell on the nearby potions knife, but he quickly disregarded that idea. Cutting his wrists and slowly bleeding painfully to death was no less than he deserved for all of his crimes, but there was a possibility that he would be discovered before he was fully dead. No, a quick poison would work best. He would be dead within a minute, and it was highly unlikely that they would find him in time.

Severus rose out of his chair and started looking through his potion stocks, mentally scanning each for its properties and effects. He eventually settled on a murky black potion, a quick-acting poison he had created in case he was ever held prisoner and tortured for information by the Dark Lord. Severus took the vial with trembling fingers and pulled the cork, savoring the last time he would hear the pop of one of his potions bottles. He made his way back to his desk, straightened his robes, and sat down.

He took a deep breath. This was it. He was finally doing something right. With a steady hand, he brought the vial to his lips and swallowed the poison in one gulp. Within seconds, his vision had clouded and his body went limp. The vial slipped from his fingers and shattered onto the floor. There was a bang in the distance and someone was shouting his name. A blurry figure towered before him, and he felt his jaw being wrenched open and something shoved down his throat. Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Someone was prodding him. "What do you want," he grumbled, keeping his eyes shut to avoid the harsh light in the room.

"Open up and drink this, Professor," a voice said. Severus sleepily obeyed and allowed the mysterious liquid to enter his mouth. As soon as it touched his tongue, his eyes flew open and he spat the potion out.

"Who the hell are you, and why are you trying to drug me with a _hebetudo sensus_ potion? Trying to dull my senses so you can attack me?" Severus snarled.

"My apologies, Professor. I am Healer Richards. The potion was merely meant to help you adjust to being conscious again. You've been unconscious for three days. I will alert your colleagues - ah, here they come," he said, as Albus and Minerva entered the room.

"Oh, Severus. Never do that to us again, young man!" Minerva said as she flew across the room to check on him. Severus looked around in confusion, trying to figure out where he was and why.

"Where am I? What happened to me?" he asked urgently. Severus felt the bed sink as Albus sat down.

"You are in the psychiatric ward at St. Mungo's, Severus. You were admitted after your suicide attempt," Albus said gravely. Severus squeezed his eyes shut as memories suddenly came crashing down on him.

"Merlin, I'm such a failure. I can't even succeed in killing myself properly," Severus thought despairingly. He tried to curl up in a ball and turn away but was stopped by something restraining him. He looked down and found that four beams of magical energy were keeping his wrists and ankles lashed to the bedposts. Severus hissed in outrage. "Why the HELL am I CHAINED to the bed?" he demanded, struggling furiously against the restraints.

"Professor Snape, you are currently on suicide watch. This room is spelled to prevent self harm, including unbreakable furniture and untearable fabric. However, because we are still quite busy healing patients from the Final Battle, we are unable to have a healer watch you 24/7. We are therefore taking other safety precautions like restraining you so that you cannot kill or harm yourself with your own hands if one of us is not in the room with you," Healer Richards explained calmly. Seeing Severus' furious expression, he pointed his wand at the restraints and muttered a spell. "I've temporarily lengthened the restraints, but they will go back to their regular length if your visitors leave," he said, nodding at Minerva and Albus. "I'll give you three some privacy now."

As soon as the door closed, Severus immediately turned to his mentors. "Albus, please, get me out of here. You must have some influence over St. Mungo's. Please, I can't live if I'm chained up like this. I'll go crazy," he pleaded, pulling on his restraints in despair. Albus shook his head sadly.

"Severus, you were practically dead when we found you in your quarters. If there hadn't been a bezoar in the room, we would have lost you forever. Your life is precious, Sev, and we want you to live a full and happy one. The war is over now, and we won't let you risk your life again. You will have to cope with the restricted freedom until the healers take you off suicide watch," Albus said firmly. Severus looked devastated.

"Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It was a mistake. I promise I won't try it again, if you'll just get me out of here," Severus begged.

"Severus, don't try to delude us or yourself. You left a suicide note, and as the foremost Potions Master in all of Europe, you obviously did not poison yourself by accident," Minerva said sharply. Her voice softened as she saw the silent tears that streaked down his face. "You tried to kill yourself, Sev. That's a big deal."

"And I would've succeeded if you hadn't shoved the beozar down my throat. I clearly should've chosen a poison that required an antidote," he mumbled to himself as he threw his head back in frustration.

"Do you really think that we'd let you leave after hearing that, Sev? You clearly still want to die," Albus commented sadly.

Severus jerked against his restraints as he sat up abruptly. "No, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I promise I won't try to kill myself again if you let me leave here!"

"Severus, you need some help. Professional help. We didn't force you to see a mind healer when we found out about the cutting, but an attempt on your own life is a very serious matter. You will not be leaving here until you've been cleared by a mind healer," Minerva informed him gently.

Severus threw himself back into his pillows and rolled over so that his back was facing them. He drew his knees to his chest and his body shook. He hadn't felt this helpless in years. "Just leave me alone. You already think I'm insane," he spat. Albus sighed as he rose from the bed.

"I do not think you are insane, Severus. I think you are a young man who is extremely depressed but who will recover with help. We will continue visiting you multiple times every day, Sev. It won't work to try and push us away. We love you like a son, and nothing you do can ever change that," Albus reminded him as he made his way to the door. Minerva remained in the chair besides the bed.

"Sev, darling -" she began as she laid a hand on his shoulder. He shook it off and curled into an even tighter ball.

"Please, just leave," he murmured sadly. Minerva nodded in defeat and softly closed the door behind her.

Severus hissed angrily as his shackles slowly retracted and uncurled him until he was lying flat on the bed. He let out an unintelligible snarl of frustration when he yanked with all of his strength and the magical chains didn't even flicker. Without being able to curl up, he felt vulnerable and exposed. The healers could do whatever they wanted to him, and the damn shackles would prevent him from being able to protect himself. Severus grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his face, desperately hoping that it would suffocate him, but it was, of course, spelled to prevent that. However, it was all he had to work with, so he hid his face from the cruel world that had forced his survival and cried into the pillow.

* * *

Severus opened his eyes to see Albus and Minerva sitting faithfully by his bed again. It had been seven days since he was admitted into St. Mungo's. Severus stretched his arms, embracing his temporarily extended restraints, and turned to his mentors with a sigh. "I appreciate you being here, but it really isn't necessary to burden yourselves. I'm sure you have better and more important things to do than sit here with me."

Albus took one of his hands and Minerva gently brushed the hair from his face. "Oh Severus, you will never be a burden to us. As our honorary son, there is nothing more important to us than being here with you," Minerva responded softly.

"I wish you would tell us what is bothering you, Sev. All you do is glower at the mind healers that come, and they can't help you if you don't talk to them," Albus said as he stroked the back of his son's hand.

"I already told you that I don't want to be stuck in St. Mungo's. I don't like or trust the healers that I've met here. They drug me with potions I don't want to take, and if I struggle, they shorten my restraints and force me to drink them," Severus said bitterly.

"I'm sorry about that, Sev, but the healers have said you've been refusing to eat. The nutrient potions they're giving you are essential to keeping you alive and healthy." Severus merely shrugged in response and growled as he tugged against his restraints in frustration.

"Here, let me get rid of those awful things," a voice said. Severus looked up in surprise as a tall, middle-aged man flicked his wand and vanished the restraints.

"Professor Snape, it's an honor to meet you. I am Healer Alan Rickman. Please feel free to call me Alan. I believe you know my sister-in-law, Poppy Pomfrey," the man said.

"Alan, it's a pleasure to see you again! It's been awhile," Minerva said as she and Albus got up to shake his hand. Severus scrutinized the man with suspicion.

"Why did you get rid of the restraints? Are you going to put them back on?" he asked warily. Alan turned his full attention to his possible new patient.

"Well, while some healers believe medical restraints are necessary for the safety of the patient and others, I believe that they are demeaning and only cause more distress. I prefer to use monitoring charms with my patients. Although the spells do not make self-harm impossible like restraints do, I find them more humane. As for whether or not restraints will be used again depends on your choice of healer, Professor. If you would like me to be your primary healer, then all decisions regarding your well-being will be transferred from Healer Richards to me, and you will never be put in restraints. However, if you decide you'd like to work with someone else, I cannot promise that medical restraints will not be used," Alan explained. Severus nodded in understanding.

"I-I want you to be my primary healer," Severus said.

"Are you sure, Professor? It's perfectly alright if you'd like to wait and decide after a few sessions together," Alan said, surprised by the young man's quick decision. Severus nodded firmly.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't ever want to be put in restraints again."

Alan looked troubled by his statement. "Professor, if that's the only reason why, I would be happy to organize a meeting with other healers who are also averse to using restraints. I don't want you to feel pressured to pick the first person you meet who doesn't approve of them."

"That's not the only reason," Severus said. He took a deep breath. "I was a spy for over a decade, so I had to become an expert at reading people in order to survive. I can tell that you're not trying to manipulate or deceive me like the other healers I've met. And if Poppy, Albus, and Minerva trust you, then I will give you a chance as well," he finished lamely. Severus squirmed awkwardly at the proud looks he was receiving from his mentors.

"Thank you for your confidence, Professor. I am glad that we will be able to work together," Alan said sincerely. He took out his wand and declared, " _Mutatio medicus_. The primary healer for patient Severus Tobias Snape is now Healer Alan Rickman." The tip of his wand glowed blue, and Alan nodded in satisfaction. "The records and medical authority have been successfully transferred to me. Now, since we'll be working together, would you like me to continue calling you Professor Snape?" Alan asked.

"Severus is fine," the young man mumbled.

Alan nodded in acknowledgement. "And for our sessions, would you like it to be just us two, or do you want Minerva and Albus here as well?"

"I-I'm sure they have better things to do," Severus said uncertainly as he nervously glued his eyes to the bed. Minerva reached out and tilted his chin up.

"If you want us to stay with you, there's nothing we'd rather do. But if you'd like some privacy with Alan, that's perfectly fine as well."

"I think I'd like you to stay then, if that's alright," Severus said shyly.

"Of course, Sev," Albus said as he gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"Alright, Severus, I think we should first discuss some guidelines. I will be asking you a lot of questions that might be difficult for you to respond to. If you do you do not want to answer, please just tell me, but I ask that you don't lie to me. Does that sound reasonable?" Alan asked. Severus gave a curt nod. "Excellent. Now why don't we start with you telling me a little bit about what's been going on in your life lately?"

Severus' body immediately stiffened as a mask of reticence slid over his face. "Nothing has been going on. I am perfectly fine," he said in a cold and clipped voice. Albus looked like he was about to interrupt, but Alan held up a hand. He suspected that Severus was closing himself off in order to block the emotions associated with his suicide attempt, but the healer was used to working with patients who denied that they had a problem in their life.

"Okay, Severus. Would you mind telling me why you think you ended up here?" he asked calmly. There was a pause.

"I'm here because I drank a potion," Severus said through clenched teeth.

"What made you decide to drink that specific potion?"

"Oh, I don't know, I suppose I fancied a drink and the vial looked pretty," he spat, his mask of control quickly slipping.

"Were you aware that you had chosen a poison?" Alan inquired, ignoring the obvious sarcasm in his patient's response.

"I'm a Potions Master. Of course I knew I had chosen a poison!" Severus snarled.

"And what were your intentions when you drank the poison?" Alan questioned smoothly.

"My intentions? You know damn well I took it because I want to die," Severus cried out.

"Did you expect to succeed in your suicide attempt?" Alan asked evenly, noticing but not commenting on his patient's use of "want" instead of "wanted."

"Yes, and it would've worked if there wasn't a damn monitoring charm on me. I was supposed to die before they could stop me," Severus replied, anguish shining in his dark eyes.

"And if you could go back in time to the minute before you took the potion, would you do anything differently?"

"Of course I would! Do you think I've liked being chained to this bed like a prisoner for the last week?" Severus was trembling and his voice shook with barely contained emotion.

"What, exactly, would you change?" Alan asked carefully. He was very close to getting Severus to admit what he suspected was still a problem based on his use of the present tense before.

"I would take a poison that required a brewed antidote so a stupid beozar couldn't save my life! I just want to die!" Severus shouted, breathing harshly. He froze when he realized what he had admitted and stared at Alan in shock. "Oh Merlin, I didn't mean to say that," he moaned as he buried his face in his hands. His anger was suddenly gone, and he felt small and vulnerable once again.

"It's okay, Severus. I'm glad you told me this. Accepting what you feel is the first step to recovery," the healer said calmly. He had been correct in his assumption that his patient was still suicidal. Severus' eyes widened in panic as Alan took out his wand and pointed it at the bed. "I'm going to have to put- "

"No!" Severus cried out before his healer could finish explaining. He leapt off the bed and sprinted for the door, only to have his arms caught by Alan and Albus. "No, please, let me go. Please, I'm sorry, just let me out of here. I'll do anything you want," he screamed as he flailed wildly to escape their grips.

"Severus, you just admitted that you still want to kill yourself. We're not going to let you go so that you can commit suicide the second no one is watching. You're going to be okay here. You're in a dark place right now, but things can only get better if you work with me to heal," Alan said reassuringly as he and Albus dragged a sobbing Severus back to his bed.

"Shhh, it'll all be okay, Sevvy. Let Alan help you," Minerva said soothingly, trying to help calm her distressed cub. Severus didn't react to her words and continued thrashing wildly and pleading to be released.

"Albus, please hold him down while I give him some calming magic." Alan laid a firm hand on Severus' heaving chest and placed the other on his forehead, sending soothing streams of magic into his body. Severus closed his eyes as he felt the magic enter his system.

"Please don't put me back in restraints," he whimpered softly. "I'm sorry I tried to run away."

"It's okay, Severus. Running is a natural instinct when you're frightened. I promised you that if you became my patient, I would never use medical restraints on you, and I'm a wizard of my word. I do, however, have to place a binding charm on the bed to prevent any future escapades. Do you understand?" Alan asked.

Severus nodded sheepishly. Now that he was calm, he felt like an idiot for trying to run away. "You're a formidable ex-Death Eater! You've faced the most feared Dark Lord of the century countless times and haven't run away like a scared little wimp. Pull it together, Snape!" he scolded himself.

"All right, Severus. Since you will not be put in medical restraints, I am going to cast two other monitoring spells as well as the binding charm. The first charm will alert us if you stop breathing for longer than thirty seconds, and the second spell will let us know if your skin is cut or bleeding," Alan explained.

Severus blushed in embarrassment when he heard the explanations for each charm. He knew the spells were necessary, but he couldn't help but feel like they were childproofing his room and monitoring him like a baby. He wouldn't complain though if it meant avoiding those dreadful restraints. He hadn't ever told anyone the full extent of his father's abuse, but restraints brought up memories he wished he could forget. It was in the past though, and there was no need to talk about it now; he would never be a helpless child again.

Once Alan cast the last spell, he turned to his patient who seemed to be lost in memories. "Severus?" the healer asked softly. Severus started upon hearing his name and quickly looked up. "Now that that's done, would you like to continue talking, or would you prefer to take a break and eat something first?"

"I-I think I'd like to take a little break," Severus replied shakily.

"I'll give you three some time alone, then. A nurse will come in shortly with lunch for all of you. There will be a nutrient potion for you, Severus, if you are unable to finish the sandwich. It would be great if you managed to eat a little though."

"I'll do my best," Severus responded quietly.

"Thank you. That's all I'm asking for," Alan said with a smile.


	6. Chapter 6

A full week had passed since Severus had met Alan. They were meeting for two sessions a day, and Severus was gradually starting to trust his healer, much to his mentors' delight.

"We're both very proud of you for agreeing to work with Alan, Sev. Alan says he's thrilled with the progress you're making," Minerva commented one night as they ate dinner in his hospital room.

Severus nodded absentmindedly as he stared at the turkey sandwich on his plate with dread. Minerva and Albus were already eating their dinner, and he knew that they were watching him discreetly while they talked. His stomach churned as he picked up the sandwich and gave it a sniff.

"Are you feeling all right, Severus?" Albus asked.

"I'm fine," he answered shortly. Minerva and Albus exchanged worried glances as he took a few small bites of the sandwich and put it back down on the plate. He continued to stare at the sandwich for another five minutes before Minerva intervened.

"Severus, do you think you can handle another bite?" Severus grimaced and shook his head. He had been trying to eat more ever since he'd started therapy with Alan, but his appetite had not yet returned to its usual. There was a knock on the door and Severus looked up, glad to have a distraction from his dinner.

"It looks like you have an admirer, Severus. Someone has sent you a lily flower plant," Alan said as he entered the room and set the plant on the bedside table. Severus stared at the flower with pain in his eyes, the mention of her name bringing back memories of those two awful nights. The first in Godric's Hollow when he had cradled his true love's dead body, and the second night when he had doomed the little girl, identical to his only childhood friend, to her death. Both times he had failed her. Failed his Lily. And now they were dead.

"Severus? Severus?" a voice called. Severus blinked out of his daze and looked up to see Alan calling his name. He was horrified to feel a wetness on his cheeks and quickly wiped it away.

"I apologize, my thoughts were elsewhere," Severus said shakily.

"Would you like to talk about what has upset you?" Alan asked.

"I-I couldn't save her. Both times," Severus said distantly as he gazed at the flowers.

"Who couldn't you save?" Alan questioned. Albus and Minerva looked at Severus sympathetically, knowing exactly who he was referring to. Minerva reached out and gently squeezed his hand in silent support. Severus drew a deep breath.

"Lily," he said in a barely audible whisper. "My first childhood friend and my only true love."

It seemed that Lily's death was the trigger for many of Severus' dark thoughts. With the help of Alan's gentle prompting, Severus explained how he needed to self-harm because he wanted to punish himself for his idiotic decision that caused the Dark Lord to target and kill his true love.

"Spying was the way I atoned for my sins and the deaths I caused. When I revealed myself as a spy, I became useless to The Order. I failed to save little Lily anyway, so I gave up my position for nothing. I am to blame for the deaths I could have prevented if I had still been a spy during those last few months," Severus murmured. He looked up to meet the eyes of his honorary parents. "Even after the war, guilt has constantly haunted me. I hadn't consciously been thinking of committing suicide, but it seemed like the perfect solution when I received Bellatrix's howler. I'm responsible for the deaths of so many innocent people," he finished, tears glistening in his eyes.

Albus and Minerva sat in silence as they listened to his story. Their son had been suffering for his entire life, but they were so proud of the person he had become. "Severus, the lives of the people who died after you'd been discovered as a spy were no more your responsibility than they were mine or Minerva's. You had already saved hundreds of lives with your information; you more than made up for your adolescent mistake to join Voldemort. Tom was already suspicious of your loyalty, and it wouldn't have been long before he'd given you another test that would result in your death," Albus said solemnly.

"The only person guilty for those deaths is Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Lily wouldn't want you to live with this guilt, and neither do we. You have to accept that it is not your fault," Minerva said gently. Severus closed his eyes and turned away as tears slid silently down his cheeks.

Alan observed his patient with pride. Severus had made great progress by allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable. He could tell that it had been freeing for Severus to open up and talk about his feelings with people he trusted. He had finally shared what was bothering him and no longer had to carry the burden of feeling alone and responsible. Alan suspected that Severus was very close to accepting and internalizing that he was not to blame, and the healer planned to help him reach that step with a little encouragement.

Alan got up and moved to the other side of the bed so that he could see his patient's face. "Albus and Minerva are right, Severus. It is not your fault," he said quietly but firmly. Severus nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. "Severus, it is not your fault. It's not your fault," he repeated.

"Okay," Severus whispered as he trembled with emotion.

"It's not your fault, Severus. It's not your fault. Can you say it yourself?" Alan asked gently. Severus shook his head and started to cry softly. "It's all right, there's no rush," the healer said soothingly. Albus and Minerva rubbed his back comfortingly and the dam holding back his emotions broke. They sat in silence as Severus finally allowed himself to release his feelings of guilt with heartbreaking sobs of relief. After a few minutes, Severus tears' gradually stopped flowing and he took deep gulps of air.

"Okay," he nodded, turning to meet the gaze of his healer and mentors. "I-It's not my fault," he whispered with a small smile. "It's not my fault."

* * *

Severus went to bed feeling lighter than he had in many months. His session with Alan had really helped lift the weight from his shoulders, and he no longer felt such a large burden of guilt. "Perhaps my stay at St. Mungo's won't be a complete waste," he mused dryly.

Out of the darkness, Severus suddenly thought he heard a whisper; he froze and listened in bewilderment. Severus gasped when he felt ropes snake around his wrists and ankles and struggled frantically when they spread his limbs and chained him spread-eagle to the bed.

"Whoever is doing this, show yourself," Severus shouted, panic in his eyes as he looked around the pitch black room trying to spot the intruder. The lights turned on, and his eyes narrowed when he noticed a small tick on a lily petal that was swaying back and forth. He blinked in surprise as the tick suddenly blurred and grew larger, and his eyes widened in horror. Standing right next his bed, was Bellatrix Lestrange.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the little traitor, all tied up," Bellatrix mocked in her singsong voice.

"Bellatrix. I must say I'm surprised you have enough talent to be an animagus," Severus spat as his lip curled into a sneer. Inwardly, he knew that this would likely be his last hour. The monitoring spells were set to alert the healers only to physical self-harm, so it was unlikely that they would detect pain caused by curses. After all, he didn't have his wand so he couldn't harm himself with magic. Bellatrix was smart enough to put up silencing charms, and the door was warded on both sides to prevent exit or entry. Help would not be coming.

"Oh, Snapey. The Dark Lord taught me quite a few new tricks before the war ended, and it would be a shame not to share them with you. Since my master is no longer here to punish you, vengeance is mine to deliver to the one who betrayed him. I can hardly wait to hear you scream, traitor," she hissed. " _Crucio!_ " Severus clenched his teeth to prevent himself from screaming as the curse ignited every single nerve in his body. "I said I want to hear you scream," Bellatrix cooed as her eyes roved over his pale, slim body writhing against the restraints. She ended the curse after a few minutes and watched as Severus panted heavily, his limbs twitching sporadically.

"Hardly anything compared to your dear master, Bella. I'm afraid he would be quite disappointed in you," Severus taunted, his mouth twisting into an ugly sneer. Bellatrix could torture him to death, but he wasn't going to take it without a fight.

Bellatrix giggled in response and flicked her wand, shooting a beam of dark purple at him. Severus arched his back in pain and couldn't help but let out a gasp. "That's better, Snape. A gasp isn't as good as a scream, but we'll get there. The Dark Lord taught me many spells that he claimed were more painful than the Cruciatus, and since you're just lying there shackled to the bed, it seems like too good of an opportunity to waste," she mocked cruelly.

Another spell hit him and he gave a pitiful whimper as pain wracked his entire body. "I want you to beg me to stop, Snape. Beg me like the traitorous dog that you are," Bellatrix snarled as she increased the power of the curse until she'd wrung a shuddering cry out of him. Severus grit his teeth and mutely shook his head as he thrashed and twisted against his bonds. When Bellatrix finally ended the spell, Severus met her gaze with loathing and disgust.

"The Dark Lord never cared about you, Bellatrix. You think that you meant something to him, but you were just as disposable as Goyle. He wouldn't have even lifted a finger to help you if you were about to be given the Dementor's Kiss," Severus croaked weakly. "At least I'll die knowing that Albus and Minerva care about me." Severus could feel the fatigue in his bones and knew that he wouldn't last much longer.

"Oh Severus, you don't actually believe what that shrink was telling you, do you?" Bellatrix shrieked with laughter. "It's not your fault, Severus," she mocked in a high pitched squeal. "Of course you're to blame! Those people wouldn't have been killed if you had been able to give information to The Order about the attacks. Oh yes, your dear old Dumbles and McGonagall keep telling you that they care for you and love you like a son, but you know the truth. You are nothing but a worthless ex-Death Eater. They don't really love you. You're nothing more than a burden to them. Nothing more than a burden. You're worthless," she hissed savagely, as she grabbed his limp arm and carved the word into his skin with a knife she had conjured. Pain lanced through his arm like a lightning bolt and he couldn't hold back a scream. "There's that scream I wanted to hear," Bellatrix sneered with cruel triumph in her eyes. "It's time to die now, Snape." With a slash of her wand, she muttered a curse. Severus closed his eyes as he felt a sharp pain and something shifting inside of him. He wasn't sure what the curse was, but he knew he wouldn't live long enough to find out.

There was a ferocious bang and Severus' eyes flew open as the door was blown to smithereens. Spells started flying as Albus, Minerva, and the healers caught sight of Bellatrix. He was stunned when he recognized dark spells shooting from his mentors' wands. It was clear that Bellatrix stood no chance when the Leader of the Light was using unforgivables. However, it was Minerva who snarled the killing curse, and Severus watched in shock as the green beam of light flew from her wand in fury and struck Bellatrix right in the chest.

"Severus!" Albus shouted as the healers rushed to his bedside. A hasty diagnostic charm was cast, and one of the healers rushed to get a potion.

"How did you know something was wrong?" he asked as he cringed in pain.

"The monitoring charm alerted us that you were bleeding. We were idiots for not spelling you for harm caused by magic. We never thought Bellatrix would be able to break through the wards on the door."

"She was a tick animagus. Hid in Lily plant," Severus croaked.

"Severus, you were hit with a curse that is shrinking your bones and organs. We will need to de-age you in order to keep you alive," Alan explained urgently.

Severus felt any remaining color drain from his face. "No, I'd rather die than become a helpless child again!" he managed to gasp. "I already had a terrible childhood. I won't live through another one!"

"Severus, you don't have a choice. As your healer, I am bound by oath to do everything in my power to save your life. You will take the de-aging potion willingly or I will have to force you to drink it. It won't be permanent, and we'll start working on the antidote as soon as possible," Alan told him.

Panic overcame Severus when a healer entered the room and handed Alan the de-aging potion. He turned frantically to Albus and Minerva. "Please, you can't let them force me to drink it," he pleaded. "Please, don't make me," he whimpered with a frightened look. He was absolutely terrified of becoming a helpless child again, and he didn't know if this time his childhood would be any better.

"Severus, it'll be okay. Albus and I will take good care of you," Minerva said gently. Severus's mind was racing in fear as the vial was pressed to his firmly sealed lips.

"I know you don't truly want to die, Sev. You can trust us to take care of you," Albus whispered. And his mentor was right. As frightened as he was of being a child again, he didn't want to die anymore, and he knew that he could trust his mentors. With a small nod, he opened his mouth, swallowed the potion, and watched as the room started to blur. Then darkness overcame him.

* * *

The three adults watched intently as Severus started shrinking in size. Alan was waving his wand as he constantly monitored his patient's status. "The potion is starting to stabilize his body. It's countering the curse and is de-aging him until his body size is correctly proportionate to the size of his bones and organs. It looks like he's almost done de-aging," Alan said. After a few minutes, they stopped noticing changes to Severus' body, and Alan declared that the potion had finished its work.

"How old is he now? Will he still have his memories?" Minerva asked worriedly. Alan cast a diagnostic spell and frowned.

"He is 10 years old right now. The potion should not have made him forget his memories of his older self, but his childhood memories will most likely be more vivid," Alan predicted. "I'm afraid I must also discuss something else the diagnostic spell brought up, as you will likely become his guardians…?"

"Of course we will. We promised we would take care of him," Albus said.

Alan nodded. "How much has Severus told you about his childhood?" he inquired.

"Not very much. We know that his mother died when he was eight and that his father could be a violent man sometimes, but Severus never wanted to talk much about it. We didn't push him to either, since both of his parents had died by the time we started mentoring him. Why, what did you find?" Minerva asked.

"I believe his father was likely more than occasionally violent. I think that he was abusive to Severus. My diagnostic spell reveals that there is scarring on his back, presumably from a belt, and that he is underweight and suffering from malnutrition. There are also cuts on his arms, most likely self-inflicted," Alan said gravely.

Minerva and Albus gasped. "I can't believe his father was abusive and he never told us! Our poor child had already suffered so much before he even got his Hogwarts letter," Albus exclaimed sorrowfully. "And he's already started to self-harm! I'd thought that had only started when he became a spy."

"Indeed, he has suffered quite a lot. I am not surprised that he never told you about his father. Abused children will often deny their abuse, having been taught to never tell anyone. You will need to be gentle but firm with Severus when you take him home. He will likely test you to see how you'll react as his new guardians, and you will need to gently correct his behavior to show that you care. His memories as a child will feel very recent to him, and that means he will probably have many memories of his abusive father. Be prepared for him to revert to his childhood instincts, and be ready to reassure him," Alan warned. When Albus and Minerva nodded in understanding, he pointed his wand at Severus. "Rennervate."

Severus stirred in his bed. He hoped his father wasn't up yet so that he could have a few more minutes before the man came in and punished him. He opened his eyes, surprised he wasn't sore from lying on his back, and flinched in surprise at the sight of a man in hospital robes. "Who are you? Did Father send you?" he asked fearfully. The man smiled.

"Hello, Severus. I am Alan. I'm a healer at St. Mungo's. You don't have to worry about your father; he can no longer hurt you. Do you remember what happened?" Alan asked.

Severus sat up and looked around, noticing two familiar faces. He gasped as memories came flooding back. Sheer horror swept across his face. "I'm a child now, aren't I?" Severus said slowly, dreading the answer he knew he would receive.

"Yes, Severus, you've been de-aged to a ten-year-old child. It was the only way to counteract Bellatrix's curse and save your life," Alan explained.

Severus leaned heavily against his pillows as he tried to process the events of the past few hours. From the corner of his eye, he saw a hand come towards him and he ducked instinctively, clenching his eyes shut and blocking his face with his hands. When nothing happened, he slowly uncovered his face and stared at Minerva in shock. Her hand was frozen in the air, and she slowly lowered it to her side. Severus blushed. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I just reacted like that," he stuttered.

"Severus, although you still have your memories from your older self, the memories from your childhood will be more vivid. This means that you have your childhood instincts and fears. You also have the physical, mental, and emotional maturity of a child. However, you will likely switch between acting and feeling like a ten-year-old and acting like your adult self. However, your magic is only as developed as it was when you were originally ten," Alan said.

"Oh, that explains my reaction. I was expecting you to hi- " Severus froze mid-sentence when he realized what he'd just said. He started shaking imperceptibly. Never tell, that was the rule.

"It's okay, Severus. It was my fault. I shouldn't have moved my hand towards you so quickly," Minerva said.

Severus inwardly sighed in relief. "Minerva didn't seem surprised by my flinch, so she must not know about Father's abuse," he thought. "I'll have to be careful not to flinch in order to avoid their suspicion."

"How are you feeling, Severus?" Albus asked.

"I'm fine," he responded automatically. "I didn't want to be de-aged to a ten-year-old, but I'll start working on the antidote right away. I'm sure I'll be back to my regular age within a day or two," he replied confidently. The adults exchanged looks, and Severus suddenly felt like a child that wasn't being let in on the secret. "What are you not telling me?" he snapped.

"Severus, you won't be brewing the antidote," Alan finally said.

"WHAT? Why not? I am perfectly capable of finding an antidote to the de-aging potion. I am a Potions Master in case it escaped your minds!" he shouted angrily.

"Severus, you are only ten years old right now. While I'm sure you were quite excellent at potions when you were a child, you are magically not at the level required to brew the antidote, even if you have your adult memories," Albus said.

"You can't tell me what I can and can't do. I may be de-aged, but I'm still an adult and I won't be treated like a child. I will brew the antidote and you can't stop me!" Severus stated petulantly.

"Severus, legally you are now a minor. You also only have the mental and emotional maturity of a ten-year-old. Even if there are times when you act and feel like your adult self, it is too dangerous for you to brew the antidote. The answer is no," Minerva said sternly.

Severus was instantly brought back to his days as a first year when he'd first met the formidable stern witch. He pouted at her response but didn't try to argue. He knew that she was not someone to mess with.

"Sev," Albus began.

"You can go now. You don't have to worry. I'll be a good little boy and stay in my prison cell until the healers find the antidote," Severus sulked quietly.

"Severus, the healers might take a few weeks to find the antidote. We aren't going to leave you here for that long. You'll be coming home with us," Albus informed him.

Severus' childhood fear of going home was instantly triggered. "No, I don't want to go with you. You'll just return me to Father!" he wailed in despair. Albus touched his shoulder and he flinched. When no blow came, he was startled from his flashback and cursed himself for flinching again. It had been a natural instinct when he was living with Father, and he couldn't seem to shake it even though he knew from his adult memories that his father wasn't alive anymore. "I… you just startled me. My father would be worried I was gone. I wasn't upset about going back," he stammered. It was clear from his mentors' expressions that they didn't believe him. "No, really, it's true…" he said weakly, desperately trying to keep them from figuring it out.

"Sev, you don't have to lie to us. We know that your father was abusive. The diagnostic scan revealed the scars on your back," Minerva said gently.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut and brought his knees to his chest. He curled into a ball and started shaking his head violently. "No, they can't know. I'm not supposed to tell. Father will be furious if he finds out they know," he muttered to himself, lost in fear.

Alan summoned a potion and uncorked the top. "I need you to drink this, Severus," the healer said calmly.

Severus shook his head vigorously. "I don't want to take the potion! It'll make me feel funny and then you'll bring me back to Father."

"Severus, your father isn't alive anymore. It's just us, Albus and Minerva. We won't hurt you," Albus said. Severus' eyes slowly regained focus and he looked at them in confusion.

"Albus? Minerva?" he asked in a small voice. They nodded and he blushed again. "I-I'm sorry. My memories and emotions are all jumbled up. I can't seem to control when I have a flashback and start acting like a child," he murmured abashedly, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Don't worry about it, Sev. It's an expected effect of the de-aging potion. We understand. You'll be coming home with us, and we'll take care of you until the antidote is found," Minerva responded calmly.

"I don't want to burden you anymore than I already have. If St. Mungo's is too busy, I can stay at the Leaky Cauldron until they find the antidote. I'll be fine. Really, you don't have to waste your time on me," Severus said quietly.

"That isn't an option, Sev. You are a minor under the law, and you need guardians or you'll become a ward of the Ministry. We are more than happy to take care of you and bring you to our home until the antidote is found," Albus said.

"No, stop lying! I know that I'm a burden and that I'm to blame for all the deaths. Bellatrix was right. You don't have to keep sugarcoating it to make me feel better!" Severus cried, cursing his adolescent lack of emotional control as treacherous tears started running down his cheeks.

"Severus, I need you to take this potion now," Alan said.

"Unless it's the antidote, I don't want it!" Severus shouted stubbornly as he curled into a ball.

"That was not a request, Severus." Alan's voice was quiet but firm. Severus shook his head again, and Alan sighed. He gently grabbed the young boy's shoulder, ignoring his flinch, and rolled him over onto his back. "Severus, you could trust me when you were an adult, and you can trust me now as well. It's just dreamless sleep. We can discuss this more in the morning."

Severus scowled and reluctantly took the potion from his healer. He tilted the vial and swallowed, grimacing as the foul taste entered his mouth. Within seconds, he had fallen into a deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Severus leaned against his pillows with a sigh. He still couldn't believe that he was actually ten years old again. He was short, scrawny, and not at all pleased that his voice was an octave higher than normal. It was hard to be taken seriously with the prepubescent, squeaky-high voice of a child. The only positive outcome of being de-aged was that he no longer had the scars he'd acquired after age ten. The traces of the Dark Mark were completely gone and his nerves, which had been damaged by his prolonged exposure to the Cruciatus Curse during his Death Eater days, had also recovered. Severus gently pulled up his sleeves and glanced at the cuts on his arms. Minerva and Albus hadn't mentioned anything, so perhaps they didn't know he had already started self-harming before he was ten. He hoped to keep them ignorant of his childhood cutting. They were probably already shocked to discover the scarring on his back.

Severus was aghast that his mentors had finally found out about his abuse. He had kept that information well-guarded and worked very hard to keep it a secret. Only Lily had ever suspected that his father was abusive. Minerva and Albus had never pressured him to talk about his parents once they'd started mentoring him, so they must have been quite surprised to learn that his father was more than occasionally violent. Especially now that he was flinching again at all contact and having flashbacks of his father, the full extent of his abuse was likely to come out. He could trust that his mentors wouldn't be judgmental, but he hoped they wouldn't pity him. He absolutely abhorred pity.

Severus had mixed feelings about Albus and Minerva becoming his new guardians. He was grateful that he would be spared from becoming a ward of the Ministry, since many of the Ministry employees thought he should be in Azkaban, but he didn't want to be a burden to his mentors. There were also so many unknowns. How would they punish him if he did something wrong? What if they decided he had too many issues, and they didn't want to deal with him? What if they didn't want to be his guardians anymore? Severus bit his lip nervously as thoughts ran through his mind.

"What are you thinking about, Sev?" a female voice asked. Severus looked up in surprise. It had been awhile since he had failed to notice the presence of other people in the same room as himself. His spy senses were clearly deteriorating now that he no longer had to constantly utilize them to stay alive.

"Are you still planning on becoming my guardians?" Severus asked uncertainly, watching as his mentors sat down on the bed.

"Actually, Sev, we wanted to talk to you about that," Albus replied. "We were hoping that-"

Severus' shoulders slumped. "Oh, it's okay, don't worry about it. I know taking care of a child with so many problems is an enormous amount of work. Especially since the new school year is beginning in a few weeks, you won't have time. I'm sure someone at the Ministry will take guardianship until the antidote is found," he interrupted, trying his best to sound indifferent.

"The Ministry is not going to take guardianship of you, Severus. You didn't let Albus finish. We promised we would take care of you, and we will stick to that promise," Minerva responded firmly.

"No, I understand that it's going to make things very difficult for you both. No one in their right minds would voluntarily take responsibility for a de-aged ex-Death Eater," Severus said quietly.

"Well, Severus, you do always call me a crazy old coot, so it appears that we would make a great match," Albus responded, his eyes twinkling. "We love you like a son, Sev. We don't want to merely take guardianship until the antidote is found. We want to adopt you so that you'll be our official son forever. That is, if you don't mind having us as your parents," Albus finished hesitantly.

Severus sat frozen on his bed while his mentors waited anxiously for his response. "You…you actually want to adopt me?" he finally managed.

"Yes, Sevvy. We know that you'll soon be back to an age where you won't want our guidance in making decisions, but we want you to be our son forever, regardless of the circumstances," Minerva said.

Severus was trembling with emotion. He couldn't believe that they actually cared and loved him enough to offer adoption. They actually wanted _him_ to be their son. Who would voluntarily become his parents? Bellatrix's taunts echoed in his mind, and he hesitated. She was deranged and sadistic, but she always meant what she said. Severus already knew he was a burden, and Bellatrix's words had just confirmed it. His heart sank. Minerva and Albus would soon realize their mistake once they'd discovered his numerous flaws.

"Sev? We know it's a very big decision. We're both not in the prime of our lives, so it's perfectly all right if you'd like us to just take guardianship until you're back to your regular age. Keep in mind that you can decide at any time if you'd like to make it more than guardianship, though. The offer of adoption will never be withdrawn," Albus said softly.

Severus sat in stunned silence. They were acting as if they were the problem, not him! He would never reject their generous offer, but he wanted to make sure Minerva and Albus were aware of the mistake they were making. "A-Are you sure you actually want to adopt me? You don't want someone better, someone who isn't as messed up as me? I know that I'm just a burden and-" Severus was interrupted when Albus' hand came towards him. He flinched instinctively, but Albus ignored it and slowly took his chin.

"You listen to me very carefully, young man. We don't want to adopt just anybody. We want to adopt you because there is no one better. You are not messed up, Severus. Everyone has issues that they need to deal with. You need some guidance and support in your life, whether you are ten years old or thirty-two years old, and we would be honored to give it to you. We love you very much, Sev, and there is nothing more important to us than taking care of you."

Severus stared at his parents in shock before launching himself into his mentors' arms with a strangled sob. His new parents held him tightly as he embraced them.

"Is that a yes to the adoption?" Minerva asked with a watery smile. Severus could only manage to nod happily through his tears.

* * *

Severus nervously dug his nails into the soft flesh of his palm as he waited for Alan to speak. This was his first session without Minerva and Albus, and he had to admit that he missed their comforting presence. After being de-aged, he had decided to continue therapy sessions without his new parents. They had willingly accepted his decision but assured him that he could always change his mind. Severus had given the excuse of wanting more privacy, but the truth was that he was worried Minerva and Albus wouldn't want him after finding out about his numerous childhood problems. He already had enough issues as an adult, and he didn't want to be even more of a burden.

"You seem a bit nervous, Severus. This isn't any different from our other sessions, and you are more than welcome to change your mind and ask Albus and Minerva to join us," Alan reminded him as he observed his fidgeting patient.

"I know. I just don't want them to hear about all of my problems and then realize they took on too much," Severus revealed quietly as he absentmindedly continued bruising his hand.

"Severus." His patient warily met his gaze, and Alan flicked his wand, trimming the young boy's nails until they were short enough to not cause damage. Severus flushed in shame when he noticed the marks he had made on his palm. "I will not reveal any personal details to your adoptive parents because of patient confidentiality, but I will have to inform them of your childhood flashbacks and your current tendency to self-harm."

"I didn't self-harm when I was a child, and I don't cut now, either," Severus denied weakly.

"Severus, I just saw you hurting your hand; it is most likely a coping mechanism you developed as a child. The habits you have now are the same habits you had at age ten. The diagnostic scan also showed several cuts on your arms in various stages of healing. Please don't lie to me," Alan reprimanded gently.

Severus turned his head and refused to look at his healer. "Do they already know about my cutting?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. Your parents were upset that you had already suffered so much by such a young age," Alan responded.

"I don't want their pity." Severus tried to curl into a ball, but Alan stopped him with a gentle but firm hand. He didn't want his patient closing himself off again, not after he had made so much progress in past sessions.

"They were not pitying you, Severus. They were worried about you, and concerned that they'd never noticed anything wrong before your fourth year," the healer explained.

"Great, I'm already causing them worry, and I haven't even been their son for more than a week," Severus thought unhappily.

"What's on your mind, Severus?" the healer asked. Severus looked down and started fidgeting with his blankets. Alan sighed. "You will have to talk with me about your past and current thoughts and emotions before I can clear you to leave here, Severus. And you do want to leave this prison cell as soon as possible, right?" he teased. Severus didn't respond but the sides of his mouth quirked up. "Can you tell me when the abuse and self-harm began?" Alan questioned.

Severus' smile vanished and he immediately stiffened and clenched his fists defensively. "I was not abused," he bit out shortly. Alan slowly reached out to rest a hand on his patient's shoulder.

"It was abuse, Severus. I know that word can be frightening, but it's the truth. It was not okay for your father to treat you violently," Alan said gently.

Severus hugged his legs to his chest. "I'm not supposed to tell. It's against the rules. Father will punish me if he finds out," he mumbled, reverting to his childhood self as he buried his face into his knees.

"Severus, it's okay. You are safe here. Your father's rules no longer apply. He cannot harm you anymore," a soothing voice said.

Frightened obsidian eyes hesitantly looked up. "Promise?" the young boy asked timidly.

"I promise, Severus," Alan responded patiently. Severus searched his gaze warily to find any signs of deception. When all he saw were sincerity and concern, he slowly leaned back into his pillows.

"Alright, I'll tell you a little bit," he finally relented. Severus squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath. "My father had been abusive to my mother and I for as long as I can remember," he began hesitantly. "The self-harm started shortly after my mother's death. I was eight years old."

* * *

After a few therapy sessions with Alan, Severus had finally been cleared to leave St. Mungo's. The young boy sat impatiently in the waiting room, hoping the adults would finish their conversation quickly. Alan had insisted on having a word in private with his parents, but as soon as they were done, Severus would finally be going to his new home.

Over in the corner, the healer was talking quietly with Albus and Minerva. "Severus is no longer suicidal, but he has new obstacles he will have to tackle. He has frequent flashbacks to his childhood, and he also has occasional urges to self-harm. You already know that I have placed monitoring charms on Severus that are keyed to your wands, so you will be alerted if he tries anything. Severus is aware of these charms, and I hope that this will encourage him to come to you if he feels the need to cut," Alan explained.

"We intend to make it clear to him that he can trust us with anything, and we will never turn him away," Albus replied. "Hopefully that will encourage him to confide in us."

"I think it will definitely help foster your new relationship. Severus struggles with his self-esteem and self-worth, so he will need constant reassurance. You should also be prepared for sudden changes in behavior. He will likely switch between his adolescent and adult self almost instantaneously. It is common for abused children to shift between acting younger than their age and acting with a maturity they were forced to develop prematurely, and the de-aging potion has just added to that confusion," Alan informed them with a sigh. "I cannot give you details because of patient confidentiality, but I suggest that you encourage Severus to talk to you about his childhood. As I've mentioned before, he will likely test you to see if you care enough to correct his behavior, and you will need to help him learn that his new parents are not like his abusive father."

"We understand. Thank you so much for everything you've done for him, Alan," Minerva said gratefully.

"It was my pleasure. Severus is a very strong young man, but everyone needs support," Alan responded. He glanced at the fidgeting young boy staring longingly at the door.

Albus followed his gaze, and his eyes twinkled. "We'd better leave soon or else someone might bolt out of here without us," he said with a chuckle. "Thank you, Alan. We will stay in contact about the progress of the antidote."

Severus jumped to his feet when he saw Albus and Minerva walking towards him. "Can we finally go now?" he asked hopefully. His parents exchanged a glance. It seemed that Severus was currently in the role of his childhood self.

"All right, Severus. But before we go home, your mother wants to stop at Diagon Alley and buy you some clothes," Albus informed him. They had agreed to refer to themselves as his mother and father to emphasize that they were proud to be his parents, but they would let Severus decide if he wanted to call them Mum and Dad.

Severus stared at his parents in horror. "Clothes shopping? But I'm only going to be this size for a month at most. We don't need to go clothes shopping! We can just transfigure some of my adult clothes," he protested.

"Nonsense, Severus. I won't have my son wearing all black at the age of ten. You are free to resume wearing all black once you are an adult again, but right now I'm delighted to have the chance to add some color to your wardrobe," Minerva said.

Severus felt a warm glow in his chest when Minerva called him her son and said she cared what he wore, but he groaned nevertheless. He hated shopping. It was going to be a long day. "Are we taking the floo?" he sighed.

"No, we will be apparating to the Leaky Cauldron." Albus took his arm and he flinched slightly before pulling away.

"I am well aware of how to apparate, Albus. I've been doing it for fifteen years," he said stiffly, momentarily reverting to his adult mannerisms.

"I know that you are aware of how to apparate, but you currently only have your ten-year-old magic. Besides the fact that it is illegal, you would likely splinch yourself. You will be doing side-along apparition with me," Albus responded firmly before taking his arm.

Severus immediately felt the familiar sensation of being squeezed through a tube, and he struggled not to throw up. Apparently his ten-year-old body was not accustomed to apparating. Severus looked up to see Minerva tapping the bricks with her wand. "When will I get my wand back?" he asked longingly. He missed the warmth of his most valued possession in his hand.

"It will be returned to you once you are an adult and can be trusted not to use it to harm yourself," Albus responded calmly. Severus grumbled at the answer, reminded of the pesky monitoring charms that were on him. He would have to find a way to remove those as soon as possible.

"All right, Severus. Madam Malkin's is first. Let's go to the back of the shop where they have other clothes besides robes," Minerva said as she walked briskly to the back. Severus dutifully followed and watched as she picked out clothes for him. "I think you'd look nice in some green and dark blue shirts, Sev. Oh, and these pajamas are perfect!" Minerva exclaimed, holding up a pair of flannel pajamas with bubbling cauldrons on them.

"Hey! I'm not a toddler!" he protested indignantly when he saw the cauldrons.

"Oh, alright. We'll go with the dark green ones," she relented, adding the pajamas to the pile of clothes in the basket. "And the last thing we need to get you is underwear. Do you prefer boxers or briefs, Severus?"

Severus blushed a deep red, suddenly realizing that he was shopping for underwear with his former professor and the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts. Minerva waited for his response with an arched eyebrow. "Umm…" he stammered. He felt someone gently pull his waistband and turned around with a glare.

"I think we'll go with boxers, Minerva," Albus said cheerfully. Severus flushed in embarrassment when she nodded and added them to the pile.

"Albus, can you bring these to the counter and purchase them?" Minerva asked as she handed her husband the large basket of clothes. "I'm going to take Severus to the bookstore and let him browse for a bit while I deliver the booklists for the students." Albus nodded, and they headed for the bookstore.

As soon as they entered the crowded shop, Minerva approached the counter to talk with the owner, and Severus was finally left unsupervised. This was his chance. He silently slipped out of the side door and quickly merged into the crowd of people. "People can be so careless with their wands," he thought disdainfully, smirking as he easily nicked someone's wand from their back pocket. "Finite Incantatem," he whispered as he pointed the wand at himself. He felt a tingle of magic and grinned. The monitoring spells had been removed. Subtly replacing the wizard's wand, Severus hurriedly made his way to Knockturn Alley. Never mind what his parents had said. He was going to buy his potions ingredients and find that antidote.

Just as he turned the corner to go down the street with the apothecary, he felt a strong hand grab his upper arm. He jerked in surprise and spun around quickly, only to cower when he saw who it was.

"And just where do you think you're going, young man?" Minerva McGonagall was giving him her sternest glare, reserved only for the most wayward of her students. Severus remained silent, his mind racing for excuses as the angry witch dragged him out of Knockturn Alley and into an abandoned old store. She quickly warded it so that no one could enter or exit without her permission and peered sternly over her glasses at her son. "I'm waiting for an explanation, Severus." Severus, suddenly feeling defiant, crossed him arms and shook his head, refusing to talk. Minerva sighed. "All right, Severus. We're going to go home, and then we're going to discuss this as a family."

Severus felt tears well up behind his eyes at the word "family," and he blinked furiously. He had already messed up, and now his new parents were going to see how much trouble he was and decide they didn't want him anymore. But it just didn't seem fair. Maybe he was ten years old at the moment, but he had been alive for thirty-two years, and he still had his memories. He should be able to have more freedom. But he knew that Albus and Minerva wouldn't agree, and that was all that mattered. He didn't even protest when Minerva took his arm and apparated them home.

* * *

Albus was already waiting in the living room when they returned, having been informed by Minerva's patronus of what had happened. Minerva took a seat next to him on the couch and gestured for Severus to sit down across from them. Severus plopped himself on the chair and pouted in frustration.

"All right, Severus. What were you doing in Knockturn Alley?" Albus asked, getting straight to the point.

"I'm not a child. I may be physically ten, but I'm an adult, and I should be able to go wherever I want without having to tell someone," he said sulkily.

"Severus, we have been over this quite a few times. You also have the emotional and mental maturity of a ten-year-old boy, and that means you're still impulsive and unable to see the whole picture at times. You wouldn't have been able to defend yourself if trouble had found you," Albus reprimanded.

"Look, I know that Knockturn Alley is dangerous, but I've been plenty of times before. I'm not a dunderhead! I know how to avoid trouble there," Severus huffed angrily.

"Severus, we know that you're not a dunderhead. You are very intelligent, but that doesn't mean you have the same capabilities you had as an adult. Do you believe that sneaking off into Knockturn Alley without a wand and without telling anyone where you were going was a well-thought out decision?" Minerva asked.

"Well, I would have had my damn wand if it had been bloody returned to me!" Severus burst out defensively, ignoring the question and the worry that was building up in his stomach.

"Language, Severus," Albus admonished sternly. "You know very well why you aren't allowed to have your wand yet, and since you cannot use magic to defend yourself, it is our duty as your parents to protect you. We can't do that if you run off without telling us."

Severus' deflated resignedly when he heard Albus' words. He was already such a burden, and he knew he should stop imposing on their kindness. They may have loved him before, but that was before he had messed up. There was no reason for them to want to keep him now.

"Look, I already told you that you should've let me stay at the Leaky Cauldron in the first place. Show me the where the fireplace is, and I'll be on my way," he said defiantly, trying to hide his insecurity.

"You will not stay at the Leaky Cauldron, Severus," Minerva began.

"Why not? Why should you care!?" Severus cried out as he stormed towards the door. His mind was racing and his emotions were a mess of fear and confusion. Did they want to punish him for being such a burden? Or dare he hope that they would actually let him stay even after he had messed up?

Minerva and Albus glanced at each other. It looked like Alan's prediction was coming true, and Severus was testing them. This was their chance to show their young son that they cared enough to correct his behavior, and that they would never give up on him. Minerva flicked her wand and the door snapped shut right before the child reached it. Severus froze when the door slammed, and he heard the audible click of the lock. He slowly turned around and schooled his expression, but fear was evident in his eyes. "Are you going to beat me now?" he asked impassively.

Albus looked straight into his son's eyes. "No, Severus. We will never, ever abuse you."

"I wasn't abused," Severus denied adamantly.

Minerva sighed. "Come sit down with us, Sev," she said, patting the empty space on the couch. Severus hesitated for a second and then reluctantly trudged over and sat down. He was surprised when both of his parents put their arms around him. "Your father was abusive, Severus. Punishing you like he did is unacceptable, and no child deserves to be abused like that. We will never ever punish you like that. You may receive a few swats on your bottom if you pull a stunt that endangers your life again, but your punishment will never leave any marks. Do you understand, Sev?" Minerva asked gently. Severus gave a shy nod and hugged a pillow to his chest.

"You are officially our son now, Severus. We will love you forever, and nothing you do can make us give up on you or regret adopting you as our son. However, as your parents, we will correct your behavior because we care about you. Do you think your behavior today was acceptable?" Albus questioned. Severus looked down in shame.

"No, I shouldn't have snuck into Knockturn Alley without telling anyone," he mumbled.

"No, you should not have. We would have been devastated if something had happened to you, and we weren't able to find you and help you. I think you've earned yourself a ten-minute time out in the corner, young man," Albus finished sternly.

Severus' head snapped up, and he stared at the man in shock. "A time out? I am not going to go stand in the corner. That's a punishment for babies! I won't!" Severus declared adamantly, attempting to sound firm and manly, but failing miserably when he stomped his foot to make his point.

"Severus, I'm going to count to three, and by the time I reach three, you better be in that corner. One… two…" Albus began.

"No!" Severus glared at him and crossed his arms, refusing to move.

"Three." Albus sighed and reached out to grab his rebellious son by the arm. Spinning him around, he landed three quick smacks on the young boy's bottom. "Corner, now," he ordered. Severus yelped at the swats and immediately scurried to the corner. "I'm putting on a timer for ten minutes, Severus. Your nose should be facing the corner until it goes off."

Severus stared at the wall in consternation. He could feel Albus' intense gaze on him, and he squirmed uncomfortably. He could hardly believe that his parents had actually given him a time out in the corner and swatted his bottom. He was dismayed by how hard the old coot's hand could be! Aside from his slightly sore behind though, Severus was elated that Minerva and Albus had decided to keep him. They clearly cared enough to correct his behavior, and it was a far more lenient punishment than his father Tobias would have given him if he'd acted out.

Severus shifted uncomfortably as he continued staring at the wall. It felt like he had been in the corner for hours. When the buzzer finally went off, Severus sighed in relief. He turned around, feeling like a thoroughly chastised naughty child, and was surprised when his parents hugged him and told him that all was forgiven.

"I'm sorry for messing up. I just wanted to buy ingredients so that I could turn myself back to my normal age. I don't want to be a burden on you for longer than necessary," he mumbled as he stared at the floor.

Minerva slowly moved her hand towards his chin and gently tilted it up. "You are not and will never be a burden to us, Sev. You are our son, and we will gladly take care of you and guide you when you make mistakes, because that's what parents do. We're a family, now," she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

Severus smiled faintly. Family. He liked that word when Minerva used it. He hoped that they would still want to be his family after he was turned back into his snarky adult self, but at least he knew they would keep him as long as he was a child.

Albus looked fondly at his son, his eyes twinkling. "Well, I think it's time we gave you a grand tour of the house, my boy. Welcome to your new home."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mild corporal punishment

The interior of the house was quite spacious, and tasteful decorations covered the walls. A portrait winked at Severus as he walked by, and he stopped to take a closer look.

"Welcome, young man!" the wizard said cheerfully. Severus' eyes widened.

"Albus, how on earth did you get a portrait of Merlin in your house?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh you know, I've collected many portraits over the years," Albus said, waving his hand vaguely, his eyes twinkling.

Severus rolled his eyes. Only Albus Dumbledore wouldn't make a big deal out of owning a portrait of the most famous wizard in history. "I should be used to the old coot never giving me a straight answer," he thought wryly as he followed his parents downstairs.

"The basement is mostly for storage, but there are also games in the cabinet," Minerva informed him. "Quidditch supplies are in the closet, if you are interested in playing."

Severus nodded and scanned the room, his eyes pausing slightly when he noticed a small cabinet containing Firewhiskey. Not that he was planning on drinking, but it wouldn't hurt to know where they kept the alcohol. Firewhiskey had certainly worked to dull his mind in the past, and he might need a reprieve if he became emotionally overwhelmed again.

"Let's head on upstairs, and we can show you your bedroom," Albus said, leading the way. When they reached the second-floor landing, Severus paused to look around.

"Our bedroom is down the hall on the left, and our studies are in the adjoining rooms. Your bedroom is on the right with an adjoining study and bathroom," Albus explained. He pushed open the bedroom door, and Severus gaped in surprise. The bedding was potion themed with cauldrons, the walls were a deep Slytherin green with little snakes on them, and the room was filled books. His adult mind was a bit mortified by the decorations, but his ten-year-old self was thrilled. Severus immediately went over to the books and ran his finger along their spines. A few were children's books, but others were potion books from his collection as well as a few advanced books that he hadn't read.

"We can change the decorations if you'd like. We weren't exactly sure what you would want," Minerva added a little nervously, waiting for his reaction.

Severus turned around and smiled. "Thank you so much. This is incredible. You didn't have to put some much effort into it."

"Of course we did. You're our son, and this is your home now. We want your bedroom to be exactly how you'd like it," Albus said matter of factly, chuckling when he heard the child's stomach growl. Severus blushed and turned his gaze downwards.

"I believe that was our cue for dinner," Minerva teased gently.

Within minutes of sitting down at the dining room table, dinner appeared at their places. Severus looked up in surprise when he saw what they were having.

Minerva smiled when she saw his expression. "Shepherd's pie is your favorite meal, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. I didn't realize that you'd noticed what I prefer to eat at Hogwarts," Severus replied softly, touched that his mentors had cared enough to discover his favorite food before they had even become his official parents. Severus dug into his Shepherd's pie with a small smile, engaging in the discussion of logistics for the fast-approaching school year and speculation of the incoming first years. The meal was relatively uneventful until Severus reached for the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

The young boy's fork clattered to his plate as he stared in horror at the juice that was quickly staining the white table cloth. "I'm so sorry!" he gasped, his mind closing off in panic. He was going to get in so much trouble. Father would be furious.

Albus' heart clenched painfully when Severus reverted to his terrified ten-year-old self; he could clearly see the fearful panic in the young boy's eyes. "The poor child has had such a terrible childhood that he's panicking after accidentally spilling juice! No child should ever fear punishment for a harmless accident," Albus thought sadly. He felt a surge of anger towards Tobias Snape but quickly pushed it down to avoid frightening the young boy even further.

"Severus, calm down, it's all right. You're safe here," Albus soothed as he reached out to comfort him.

Severus saw large hands coming towards him and flinched back violently. He hid his head in his knees and held up his arms to block any blows to the head. He was hyperventilating and his lungs screamed for air. Suddenly, arms pulled him from behind, and he was pressed against a warm and firm chest. He struggled, terrified, until he had no more energy left to try and escape.

"Breathe in…out. In…out. Breathe with me," a gentle voice said into his ear. Severus did as the voice instructed and matched his breathing to the rise and fall of the chest he was held against. Air entered his lungs, and he slumped in relief.

Severus flushed when he noticed the long white beard belonging to the person holding him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spill the juice. Please don't punish me," he mumbled miserably.

"We would never punish you for a harmless accident, Sev. You are safe here with us," Minerva said soothingly. She flicked her wand and the juice disappeared from the table. Another wave and his glass was filled with ice water. "Drink a few sips of water, Sev. You're probably still thirsty." Severus reached for the glass and shakily brought it to his lips.

"Why don't we head upstairs and get you settled for the night?" Albus suggested. "You've had a long day, and I'm sure you're tired." Severus nodded and begrudgingly allowed his parents to help him up the stairs. He quickly used the bathroom and smiled wryly when he noticed the potion cauldron pajamas that had mysteriously appeared on his bed. He had just turned off the lights when Albus and Minerva entered the room.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly.

"We just wanted to say goodnight to you, Sev," Albus said.

"Oh. Goodnight to you as well. Thank you so much for everything," Severus replied gratefully. He looked at Minerva in confusion when she came over to his bed and starting nudging the blankets underneath his body. "Um, what are you doing, Minerva?"

"I'm tucking you in, Sevvy. You're only going to be this young for a little while, and I intend to take full advantage of it. I doubt you'll let me coddle you like this once you're back to your stubborn adult self again," his mother replied teasingly.

Severus smirked and rolled his eyes but allowed Minerva to tuck him in without complaint. "Goodnight, Son," his parents said as they left the room.

Severus closed his eyes in contemplation. It had been a busy day filled with many revelations. Albus and Minerva had said they loved him and claimed they would never regret adopting him. They had gently corrected his behavior when he had misbehaved, and they hadn't been angry at him when he'd messed up. They had even come to tuck him in like a loving parent would do for their child! Severus had never been tucked in before, but he liked it. His mother had seldom been able to wish him goodnight because she was busy shielding him from his father's anger, so he would usually slink up to bed and try to avoid being noticed. Severus decided he liked being tucked in by his new family, even if he really was an adult who was too old for that. It made him feel loved. "A taste of the childhood I've always wished I had," Severus thought happily as he dozed off.

* * *

Severus thrashed around in his bed. He was trapped in a nightmare again; the same one he'd been having for the last few nights.

" _Of course you're to blame! Those people wouldn't have been killed if you had been able to give information to The Order about the attacks," her voice whispered. "You are nothing but a worthless ex-Death Eater. They don't really love you. You're nothing more than a burden to them. Nothing more than a burden. You're worthless!"_

Severus woke with a gasp. His sheets were tangled and soaked with sweat. He was surprised by the dimly lit room and looked into the corner where a potion shaped nightlight was floating in the corner. Albus and Minerva must have conjured it after he had fallen asleep, correctly assuming that he would have protested at the childish device. He was grateful for the light in the room, however. Despite his current adult mentality, his childhood reflexes and instincts had him cowering under the covers. Bellatrix's words seeped doubt into his mind, and he shuddered and hid his head under the blanket. "Nothing more than a burden. I'm nothing more than a burden. All I've been doing is taking advantage of Albus and Minerva's kindness. But they said they loved me, and I was officially their son now. Or are they just fulfilling a moral obligation and feel pity for me? That must be it. They must pity me. I can't be worthy of their love. I have done nothing to deserve it," he concluded miserably.

Severus stumbled out of bed and to the door. His sweaty palms grasped the doorknob, and he tiptoed out of his room and down the stairs. He entered the kitchen and spotted the knife drawer, easily using his Slytherin skills to break the lock. Taking out a knife, he brought it to his wrist before pausing. "I can't cut on my arms, or Albus and Minerva might see. Then they'll know I took the monitoring charms off," Severus realized. He decided on his thighs and dug the blade into his skin five times, enough to draw small lines of blood, but nothing that would leave a stain on his pants. Severus breathed a small sigh of relief at the temporary distraction from his guilt, but he knew it wasn't enough. He couldn't cut too much though, or his parents might find out. He thought for a second: Firewhiskey. That's what he needed now.

The young boy stealthily crept down to the basement and quietly pushed open the door. There wasn't a light in the room, but he remembered making note of where the alcohol cabinet was located during his tour of the house. He found his way to the cabinet and was surprised when the doors sprang open automatically. Taking a bottle, he popped the cap and took a long swig, coughing in surprise. His ten-year-old body obviously wasn't ready to handle alcohol, but Severus disregarded the warning. His mind was more than ready to get drunk. Ignoring the burn in his throat, he continued drinking and waited impatiently to feel the effects. His mind quickly grew hazy, and he didn't even notice that he had drained the bottle in under five minutes.

Severus relished in the loss of his inhibition and worries. He flung the bottle against the wall and it shattered loudly. The befuddled child threw himself on the floor and started sobbing. He didn't even know why he was crying, just that he needed release.

The door to the basement banged open and Albus rushed into the room, flicking his hand to turn on the lights. Albus was immediately hit with the strong scent of Firewhiskey. When his eyes fell on his clearly inebriated young son sprawled on the floor and sobbing, he quickly pulled Severus into his lap and started to stroke his head. Once the boy had calmed down and stopped crying, he looked into his son's puffy red eyes. "Sev, my child, alcohol is not the way to deal with whatever is bothering you."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Are you going to lecture me about alcohol, Albus?" he drawled sarcastically.

His father sighed. "No, I already gave you one of those in your fourth year. It was the morning after you'd passed out from drinking all night at the Slytherin holiday party, if you do not recall," Albus responded with a slight twinkle in his eyes.

"I remember that I couldn't sit well for a few days," Severus muttered resentfully.

Albus smirked at him then continued speaking, "I will remind you that you are only in your ten-year-old body though, and alcohol will affect you much more quickly than you are used to. There is a reason why minors are not allowed to drink alcohol." He waved his hand and the broken shards of the bottle vanished. "I won't give you a lecture this time, but your mother might. I believe that is her coming down the stairs."

Severus groaned and covered his face when he heard his mother's hurried footsteps. She paused in the doorway, taking in the scene and noticing the obvious odor of Firewhiskey. "Severus Tobias Snape!" Yep, he was in trouble. "Please tell me that you did NOT just break into the Firewhiskey cabinet and drink an entire bottle. You are underage!" she chastised.

Severus was surprised. "It was locked?" he asked curiously. Albus exchanged a glance with Minerva.

"I assume it was accidental magic and the cabinet door just opened for you. The locks have been reinforced with a ward now, so accidental magic will no longer open the cabinet," Albus informed him.

"Severus, you only have your ten-year-old body right now. You can't handle alcohol at such a young age. Not only is it illegal for you to drink, but you could have easily drunk too much and gotten alcohol poisoning!" Minerva lectured sternly.

"I know, I know," Severus moaned as he flopped back onto the floor and clutched his head. He could already feel the beginnings of the hangover that was sure to come.

Minerva sighed as she observed her prostrate son. Leaning over, she landed three hard smacks on the errant boy's bottom.

"Oww!" Severus yelped, trying to wriggle away from the hand on the small of his back that was keeping him firmly pinned down.

"You will not, SWAT, endanger your life again, SWAT, by consuming alcohol, SWAT, while you are underage, SWAT, understood, young man?" She demanded sternly.

"AHHH… Yes, ma'am!" Severus cried out, squirming vigorously under her hand. Minerva nodded in satisfaction at his response and delivered a final three searing swats to his behind. As soon as she let go, Severus jumped to his feet, his hands flying to his bottom as he tried to relieve some of the crazy sting his mother's hand had inflicted. "I'm sorry," he sniffled quietly. Minerva's stern glare softened, and she wrapped her arms comfortingly around her young son.

"You are forgiven, Sev, but you have to realize that your life is important. We care too much about you to let you drink so recklessly," she murmured into his ear. Severus nodded in understanding but winced as his head started throbbing again. Minerva noticed his reaction and muttered a summoning spell. A hangover potion zoomed into her hand, and Severus gulped it down thankfully, not even bothering to sniff it beforehand.

"Hey, you added something to this. Just because I'm ten doesn't mean I'm not still an expert in potions," Severus protested, his cheeks flaming in embarrassment when he realized what she had added.

"After all of the alcohol you just drank, you needed a potion that would help it leave your system as quickly as possible," Minerva responded firmly. Severus huffed, but he was too drained to argue with her. He yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He'd probably only gotten a few hours of sleep before he'd been woken up by his nightmare, so he was still exhausted.

"Come on, Son. Why don't we head upstairs and give you a bath?" Albus suggested. Severus nodded sleepily, and his parents were surprised when he let Minerva scoop him up into her arms without protesting. She sighed quietly when his shorts slipped up revealing the fresh, red cuts on his thighs. Once they reached the bathroom upstairs, Minerva gently placed him on the closed toilet seat and went into his room to clean and change the sheets. Albus remained in the bathroom and started to prepare the bath. "Do you need any assistance, Sev?"

Severus shook his head quickly, his cheeks a light pink. "I can do it." Albus nodded in understanding.

"Call me if you need any help," he responded as he left the room. Severus gave a small nod and waited until his father had closed the door. He quickly peeled off his sweaty pajamas and threw them into the laundry hamper. Once the tub was halfway full, he hopped in and washed up, letting the warm water run over his body. He gently traced the newest cuts on his thighs, ignoring the slight sting. He hoped that his parents wouldn't find out about his moment of weakness. They were already disappointed that he had been drinking underage, and they would be even more disappointed if they knew he had cut again. With a sigh, Severus turned off the pleasant stream of water and dried himself off. He yawned as he slipped on his pajama shirt and shorts. Leaning against the bathroom cabinet, his eyes closed in exhaustion. A minute later, he heard the door open and Albus entered.

"Everything all right in here, Sev?" Albus asked. Severus nodded silently and allowed his father to pick him up and carry him to his bed in the adjoining room. The young boy gave a little yelp as his sore bottom touched the bed, and he quickly turned onto his side, blushing. Once he was lying down, Albus gently touched his chest and sent a small stream of magic through his body. Severus looked up in surprise, feeling suddenly more energized.

"Why did you do that?" he asked curiously. "I thought I was going to bed now."

"We need to talk about a few things before you go to sleep again, Sev," Minerva explained. Severus arched an eyebrow and his parents chuckled. His classic questioning look that he assumed when he was interrogating students looked much more cute than intimidating when he was ten.

"Severus, we have spelled your room so that it is a safe room. You will be unable to leave this room without someone accompanying you. We didn't think this was necessary before, but with the two stunts you pulled, breaking into the Firewhiskey cabinet and removing the self-harm charm Alan placed, we can see that it is," Albus said solemnly. Severus froze in shock.

"How did you find out?" he asked miserably.

"Your pajama shorts slipped up a bit when I was carrying you upstairs. We saw the new cuts on your thighs, Sev," Minerva said.

Severus immediately covered his face with his hands and turned away. Sighing, Albus moved to the other side of the bed and sat down on the edge so that he was facing his son. He gently reached out and touched the child's arms, ignoring the small flinch. He gently moved Severus' arms to his sides and uncurled his legs.

"Am I going to be punished again?" he asked timidly.

"No, Severus, you are not. Unlike your underage drinking, we know that cutting is something that you can't completely control yet. We were hoping that the monitoring spell would alert us right away to your self-harm when you felt the urge, but since you removed it, presumably in Diagon Alley, we had no way of knowing when to help you," Albus chided.

"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled as he played with a loose strand on his comforter. "I just didn't want you to be bothered if I was being weak and needed to cut."

"It isn't a weakness, Severus. You just need to find a healthier coping mechanism. We would be very happy if you came to us and talked about whatever was upsetting you instead of cutting next time, understand?" Minerva asked. Severus nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

"I will be placing another monitoring charm on you, though." Albus muttered a few words, and Severus felt the magical tingle of a spell. "No one except for me will be able to remove this," he gently berated.

"I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again. Please just leave me alone now," he said in a small voice.

"Severus, we're not going to leave," Minerva whispered.

"Just go! I don't want your pity!" he snapped as he squeezed his eyes shut and curled up again.

"Severus, we do not pity you. We care about you and are therefore concerned and worried when you are struggling. There is a difference between pity and concern." Severus didn't respond, but he flinched when Minerva touched his back. "I know you can hear me, Sev. I see that you're trying to isolate yourself into a pit of loneliness and despair, but I do hope you realize that we're well aware of this hobby of yours," she admonished gently.

Severus stifled a groan. His parents were determined to break through his shields and drag him out of his security burrow of isolation. It was clear that they wanted him to talk, and he was not looking forward to it. "Minerva," he began bitingly, before squeaking in surprise when the woman scooped him off of his bed and into her lap. "Hey!" he protested as he struggled to get out of her grasp.

"Oh no, you're not getting away. We are going to talk about this first, Sev," Minerva said sternly. Severus sighed, surrendering when he realized he was fighting a lost battle.

"What exactly do you want to talk about?" Severus asked reluctantly. He unconsciously leaned back into Minerva's arms, looking very much like the ten-year-old that he was.

"What were you thinking about when you felt the urge to self-harm and later get drunk on Firewhiskey?" Albus asked.

"I-I don't know. It doesn't matter. It was stupid anyway!" Severus said, frustrated.

"Severus, you can let your masks down now. Whatever you were thinking does matter, and it isn't stupid because it caused you to become upset. It's okay to let us in, Sev. We are your parents now, and we promise we will never stop loving you, no matter what you say," Albus said. Severus looked down at his lap in shame.

"I had a nightmare," he mumbled.

"What was the nightmare about, Sevvy?" Minerva asked.

"It was about that night in the hospital when Bellatrix came and tortured me. Just some stuff that she said bothered me a bit," Severus admitted.

"What did she say that bothered you?" Minerva questioned.

"It's really not that important," he muttered.

"What did she say, Sev?" Albus asked in a casual but firm tone. He slowly reached out, allowing his son to follow his hand, and gently brushed a lock of hair out of his son's face.

Severus took a shaky breath. "She-she told me that I shouldn't have been so stupid as to believe Alan, and that I could have prevented those deaths. She claimed that you didn't really love me, and that I was just a worthless burden to you," he finished mournfully. "I just didn't know what to think. It was too much to handle. I know you said you loved me, but I also know I'm not worthy of that love. A murderer like me doesn't deserve love," he finished as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Severus, if we didn't have a spy, how would we have acquired information about the attacks planned for the three years after Voldemort had risen again?" Albus questioned.

"You would have found another way," Severus shrugged.

"No, I didn't have another way. I relied solely on you for information of Voldemort's plans. You risked your life to get information that would save the lives of hundreds of other people. If you hadn't been a spy, those people would be dead. You saved their lives, Severus. You are not to blame for the deaths that came in the last few months of the war. It was a brutal war, and many lives on both sides were lost. None of those were your fault. Their deaths are not yours to claim the guilt for, and we will keep telling you this until it gets into your stubborn head," Albus said fondly. Severus gave a watery smile and nodded slightly.

"And Severus, you do deserve love. You are so much more than an ex-Death Eater. You are a Slytherin, the youngest potions master ever to get their mastery, the creator of the Wolfsbane Potion, the youngest professor at Hogwarts, and a hero of the war. And most importantly, you are our son. No matter what anybody else thinks, you deserve our love because we know the Severus Snape behind the masks. The kind, sensitive, caring Severus who the world has yet to meet. The best son we could ever ask for," Minerva said lovingly as she wiped away his tears and gently placed him back on his bed.

"Thanks, Mum," Severus whispered hoarsely as she tucked him in again. Minerva smiled, and Albus leaned over and gave him a hug and a kiss on the forehead.

"Goodnight, Son. Sleep well. We will stay here with you until you fall asleep," he said soothingly. Severus looked up with shocked obsidian eyes. No one had ever done that for him before.

"G'night, Dad," he murmured. "Thanks." A hand began to stroke his hair, and his breathing deepened. He peacefully fell asleep to the sensation of fingers carding his hair.

* * *

"Albus, he finally called us Mum and Dad," Minerva whispered in delight. "He must be starting to feel more confident in our relationship as his parents."

"I hope so, Minnie. I'm so glad that Severus is opening up to us. Alan said that it's essential to Sev's recovery that he explains why he uses self-harm as a coping mechanism so that we can help him find another way to cope," Albus said.

"He also needs to talk to us about his childhood in order to heal from the emotional wounds his awful father inflicted on him. I swear, if Tobias Snape wasn't already dead…" Minerva trailed off, leaving her threat unfinished. "Anyway, I don't see how we're going to convince him to open up about the abuse."

"Alan said that sometimes abused children need to be confronted with the fact that we know about a particular abusive incident, and then they will start talking. Perhaps legilimency will work if we absolutely have to," Albus said thoughtfully.

"You are not going to use that unless we absolutely need to. If he harms himself again and won't talk to us, then perhaps you can, since Alan suggested it. But right now, Severus has just started to truly trust us as his parents who will take care of him no matter what. Let's take it one step at a time for now," Minerva responded. Her husband nodded in agreement.

"One step at a time."


	9. Chapter 9

"Good morning, Severus," Albus said cheerfully.

Severus mumbled incoherently in response and sleepily sat down at the breakfast table. Contrary to what his students thought, he was not a morning person. It was beyond him how Albus could be so positive and upbeat in the morning.

"Your father and I were thinking that we could do something fun today," Minerva said, placing a bowl of oatmeal and fruit in front of him.

Severus nodded in thanks. "What did you have in mind?"

"We were thinking you might enjoy some supervised brewing time in your potions lab at Hogwarts," Albus responded. "No dangerous or experimental potions, though," he added.

Severus lit up, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Really? You're going to let me brew?" he asked hopefully, his eyes shining with childish excitement. His parents nodded, pleased to see their son looking so enthusiastic and happy for once. "Can we go now? I've missed brewing so much!" the child pleaded.

"We will go after you finish your breakfast, Sev. And eat all of your fruit," Minerva reminded him. Severus turned back to his breakfast and started gulping down his oatmeal as fast as possible.

"Don't forget to breathe, Son," Albus chuckled.

Severus blushed and slowed his pace as he started on the fruit. He was so excited to finally brew again! It had been over a month since he had last been in his potions lab, and he dearly missed it. "Hey Dad, do you know how the progress for the antidote is going?" Severus asked curiously, realizing he hadn't heard anything from St. Mungo's since he'd left.

Albus smiled. Severus had started to regularly call them mum and dad for the past few days ever since the Firewhiskey incident, and he and Minerva were both thrilled. Albus had been a bit surprised that Severus hadn't chosen to call him father, since the young man had always seemed rather formal, even as a child, but he suspected that Tobias' title was Father, and perhaps Severus had wanted to clearly distinguish between the two male figures in his life. Albus hoped that meant his son had started to internalize that his adoptive father would never abuse him like his biological father had.

"Dad?" a young voice asked.

Albus turned his attention back to his eager son. "My apologies, my boy. The healers have said that they are making progress on the antidote. They estimate that it will be ready in about two to three weeks." Minerva and Albus observed the child as he nodded, looking contemplative.

"Okay, that's good. Then I'll finally be back to my adult self and will stop having all these annoying flashbacks." He made a face of disgust before turning back to his fruit. Albus and Minerva exchanged a look.

"Sev, how often have you been having these childhood flash-" Minerva began.

"It's nothing," Severus interrupted, suddenly looking a bit panicked as if he'd just realized what he'd admitted. "It's fine. I'm fine. Really," he protested at their skeptical looks. "Can we go now, please? I've finished all my fruit."

"All right, Severus. But we will be discussing this later," Albus said firmly. Severus scowled unhappily. "Cheer up, Sev, it's potions time now. Head over to the fireplace, and we'll meet you there in a minute."

Severus quickly made his way to the living room, cursing himself for letting it slip that he'd been having flashbacks for the past few days. Now his parents were going to try and make him talk. He didn't want them to know about his past. Severus sighed, but turned his thoughts to his potions lab. At least he would get to brew today. Brewing almost always raised his spirits.

Back in the kitchen, Minerva and Albus were having a worried debate. "Minerva, he needs to talk about his childhood very soon, or else he's going to have another breakdown. He's clearly trying to repress all of his emotions, and soon they're going to burst out, and he'll hurt himself again!" Albus whispered.

"I know, Albus, but if we push him, he'll just become angry and defiant and stop talking to us," Minerva responded in a hushed voice.

"Very well. We won't push him for now," Albus relented after a moment. "But if he hurts himself again, I will use legilimency if he refuses to speak with us. His self-harm cannot continue as his automatic coping mechanism."

Minerva nodded in understanding and briskly headed towards the living room where she found her son already standing in the fireplace. "Eager to go?" she asked, smiling. Severus nodded and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

"Hogwarts, Severus Snape's potions lab," he stated clearly. Severus neatly stepped out of the floo and looked happily around his dungeons. He hasn't been in them since - Severus froze - since his suicide attempt. Memories flashed through his mind. Bellatrix's howler, writing his suicide note, drinking the poison…

"Are you alright, Sev?" Minerva asked gently, laying a hand on his shoulder. Severus flinched slightly and turned to face his parents.

"I'm alright," he said shakily. "It's just, last time I was here…" he trailed off, staring at the desk where he had planned to die.

"We know, Sev. We thought you would prefer to internalize what happened here sooner rather than later," Albus said softly.

"I-I wanted to die. I tried to kill myself, in this room. At that desk," Severus murmured.

"Yes, you did."

The deep sorrow in his father's voice caused Severus' throat to close up. There was a moment of silence. "I-I'm glad you found me before it was too late," Severus whispered. "Because now I have both of you as my parents, and despite being de-aged, my life is the best it's ever been," he admitted quietly, glancing up. "So thank you."

"Oh, Sevvy," Minerva said tearfully, drawing him into a tight embrace.

"We're so thankful that you're still here with us as well, Sev. Because we were able to adopt a wonderful young man and have the honor of calling him our son," Albus replied lovingly, ruffling his son's hair.

Severus blinked hard before composing himself and scowling at his parents. "All right. Enough of this nauseating sentimentally, please. I'd like to start brewing before I lose my breakfast."

His parents laughed and watched as their son quickly set up his brewing station and picked out ingredients from the cupboard.

"What are you making, Sev?" Minerva asked curiously, as she watched him carefully slice and dice ingredients.

"A calming draught. It's only a second year potion, so it's not very dangerous," Severus replied. "I must have almost used up your stock, so I thought I'd brew a new batch." He glanced up from his potion momentarily and saw Albus' mouth open. "And no, I do not want your help, Dad. Last time you were in the potions lab, you somehow managed to create an explosion that turned my robes bright pink for a week," Severus said with a sniff of disdain.

Albus' eyes twinkled madly. "I apologize, my dear boy. I have absolutely no idea what went wrong," his father replied, his eyes wide and innocent.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course. I'm sure it was just an innocent mistake."

"Why, Severus, you aren't suggesting that I would do that on purpose, are you? Me, the headmaster of the school, pranking my employees? I'm afraid potions was just never my strong point," Albus lamented with a mock sigh.

"I'm well aware that you earned an Outstanding in potions on your N.E.W.T.s, _Headmaster_ ," Severus replied dryly, smirking at his mother's expression.

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore! The Weasley twins were bad enough, and now you?" Minerva scolded.

"Now Minnie, it was just that one time," Albus said, trying to appease his intimidating Deputy Headmistress.

"I better not hear about any other pranks you play, understood?" she demanded sternly, although her eyes twinkled with mirth. She would never admit it to her students, but she was actually quite fond of a good prank.

Albus nodded his head, looking chastised, and Severus sniggered. "And what are you laughing at, young man?" Minerva asked playfully.

"Nothing, Mum," he replied, quickly assuming an innocent expression. Minerva snorted and threw up her hands in mock desperation. Severus happily returned to his potion, decanting it and placing the vials on the shelf. He had noticed that most of his advanced magical senses were greatly diminished, due to his ten-year-old magical core, and he was relieved that his core would return to its regular size once he was an adult again. The loss of those senses would make it risky for him to attempt advanced and experimental potions, and he reluctantly acknowledged that working on the antidote as a child would have been dangerous. However, simple first and second year potions didn't require the senses of a master, and Severus was easily able to brew those. His mother had taught him how to brew quite a few basic potions before he was even seven years old, so they were no problem for him at age ten.

The day went by quickly. Severus was thrilled to be back in the lab and brewed many of the potions needed for the hospital wing for the upcoming year. Albus and Minerva mostly left him to his own devices and occupied two seats in the lab where they did paperwork. They did keep an eye on their son to make sure that nothing went wrong and he didn't attempt any difficult potions out of curiosity, and luckily, there were no disasters. After spending about five hours in the lab, Severus bottled the last vial of his potion and stretched.

"Ready to head back home, Severus?" Minerva asked. Severus nodded, pleased with his progress and ecstatic to be brewing again.

"Excellent. I hope you had fun, my boy. No pink robes disaster this time," Albus said teasingly.

Severus stuck his tongue out, unable to control the childish impulse, and smirked at his parents' shocked expressions. With a triumphant twirl, he stepped through the floo and was transported back home.

* * *

It was very late at night. Albus and Minerva has gone to bed hours ago, but Severus was still awake. The cover of a fiction novel in his bookshelf had caught his attention when he'd come up to his room after dinner, and he had opened it out of curiosity. Now he was lying on his bed, completely absorbed in the novel.

Severus turned the page and continued reading. "The man grabbed the wrist of the child trying to pickpocket him. He towered over the boy, bellowing threats and shaking his fist angrily."

Severus froze as the words triggered a flashback, and he was suddenly thrown back to Spinner's End. Father was approaching with the belt.

_"You are a worthless freak, boy! You need to be punished. Take off your shirt!" Tobias bellowed as he stumbled towards the cowering boy, shaking his fist in the air. He was obviously drunk, which meant the punishment would be more severe. Ten-year-old Severus removed his shirt with trembling fingers and braced himself for the inevitable beating. His father picked up the shirt and ripped it into pieces, using the material to tie the boy's ankles and wrists to the desk legs so that he couldn't escape._

_Severus was shaking with fear as his father tied him to his desk. He absolutely hated being restrained because it meant he wouldn't be able to escape the punishment until his father was finished with him. His mother had been dead for two years now, so she wouldn't be there to help him escape Tobias' wrath. He was at his father's mercy, and his father was never merciful. "Please, Father. I'm sorry," Severus whimpered._

_"You certainly will be after I finish with you. Maybe this'll teach you to not be such a burden!" his father snarled. Satisfied that the boy would be unable to escape, Tobias took off his belt and lifted it high. It whistled through the air and struck the quivering boy's back with a loud crack._

_Severus winced and clenched his teeth as the leather made contact with his skin. He bit his lip to avoid crying out; his father hated it when he made noises during his punishment. Severus jerked against the restraints as he thrashed helplessly, trying to escape the belt. After the tenth lash, he couldn't stay silent anymore. "Please, I'm sorry, Father! I promise I won't ever be a burden again!" he cried out._

_"You will always be a burden, boy. I work hard to punish you for being a burden, hoping that you will learn, but you never do. You need to be punished," Tobias growled angrily. "And I've told you to remain silent and take your punishments like a man. You obviously need a stronger reminder. Maybe a dose of the cane will teach you a lesson."_

_Severus sagged against the desk in despair as he heard his father stumble away to fetch the cane. His back was already throbbing, and his father was brutal with the cane. He silently prayed that he would be released from the desk after the punishment was over, but his father had left him restrained all night long before. It usually resulted in another punishment the next day when his father was suffering from a hangover and conveniently spotted his son all tied up and displayed for punishment. His body tensed as he heard footsteps approaching._

Severus cried out as the cane arched through the air. He gasped and jerked out of his flashback, panting in fear. He needed something to distract him. Something sharp to cut with. Anything to make the memories go away. He grabbed a quill from his desk and stared at it in desperation, hoping the tip would be sharp enough to cut with. He felt a tug on his core and watched in surprise as his accidental magic managed to transfigure the quill into a knife. Not questioning his luck, Severus quickly hid underneath his bed. The boy placed the cool blade against his arm and dragged it down quickly three times in a row. It wasn't working! Father was still coming closer. He desperately kept cutting, hoping to make the living nightmare go away.

Down the hall, Albus and Minerva awoke with a start when loud chimes started ringing in their ears. "Severus," was all Albus said before leaping out of bed and rushing down the hall to his son's room, Minerva right on his footsteps.

The door banged open, and Severus immediately recoiled and instinctively shrunk back underneath the bed, hiding from view. "Severus?" a man's voice called. The small boy stayed as quiet as possible, not wanting Father to find him. The footsteps paused, and he heard someone whisper.

"Point me, Severus." Albus nodded towards the bed, and he and Minerva slowly approached, not wanting to scare the child any more.

Severus curled into a ball, hoping he wouldn't be noticed, but he couldn't prevent the whimper that escaped his lips when the footsteps paused right in front of his hiding place. Father would be angry that he had tried to hide and avoid his punishment. Severus squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the beating to continue.

"Severus?" Albus said gently, slowly kneeling down before the petrified child.

"I'm sorry, Father. Please don't hit me. I'm sorry for being such a burden," the boy whispered, trembling underneath the bed.

"It's okay, Sev. I'm not going to hurt you." Albus soothed, reaching out a hand of comfort.

Severus screamed in terror when he felt the man grip his arm. He flinched back violently and raised his other arm to shield his face. "Please, let me go!" he pleaded. The child desperately tried to get away, but the man held tight.

Gently, Albus pried Severus' arm away from his face and placed a vial at his lips. "Swallow, Sev. It's a calming draught," a gentle voice ordered.

Severus obeyed hazily, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. He looked up and flushed when he realized he wasn't at Spinner's End with Tobias. "Please, just leave me alone," he begged as he struggled to free his hands from Albus' grasp.

"We can't do that Sev, not when you are harming yourself," Minerva said sadly.

"I'm just a burden! You shouldn't want me. Father says I'm a freak and a burden. I'm a hopeless cause!" Severus shouted distraughtly, fighting the calming draught as it entered his system.

"Calm down, Sev. Let the potion do its work," Albus said soothingly, not letting go of his frightened son's hands.

"Your father was wrong, Severus. You are not a freak or a burden," Minerva said softly, biting back a sigh when the child jerked away from Albus' loosened grasp. She inhaled sharply when she finally got a better look at the damage he had done to his wrist.

"Let me go," Severus spat desperately as his mother reached out and gently took his quivering hand in her own. Her fingers delicately traced the scars from his childhood self-harm, pausing when she reached the newest cuts which were still bleeding. Luckily, they weren't so deep as to need Poppy's medical expertise or St. Mungo's. She would be able to heal the majority of the damage, but his wrist would need to be bandaged for a few days. Minerva pulled out her wand and muttered an incantation, watching as the blood disappeared and the cuts started to close. She silently conjured a disinfectant cream and bandages and carefully wrapped his injured forearm.

Severus hesitantly looked up and teary black eyes met dimmed blue. Minerva could sense the whirlpool of emotions as she looked into her child's mournful eyes. The self-loathing, the shame, the pain, the despair, the exhaustion... She slowly lifted her hand and gently brushed Severus's hair from his forehead.

"Severus." Albus kept his voice soft and non-threatening as he held out his hand. He knew that the child would understand the gesture, but he also knew that Severus would not want to give it up.

Severus stared at the outstretched palm in front of him with reluctance. He knew exactly what his father wanted, but he needed it. He couldn't rely on accidental magic whenever he needed to cut. His hand clenched protectively around his knife, and he looked at his father warily.

"I will not take it from you by force, Severus. We can wait here until you're ready. I know you can do it, though. Don't let the blade control you," Albus said softly.

Severus looked down at the knife and closed his eyes. He didn't want to give up his only source of control. When he cut, he was the only one who decided how much pain he felt. Not his abusive father and not the Dark Lord. But he had a nagging suspicion that Albus was right. Lately, he didn't feel so in control of the blade. It was like the knife was controlling him instead of the other way around. But still… they sat in silence as Severus wrestled with his emotions.

After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and slowly reached out to give Albus the knife. He hesitated for a moment when he reached the outstretched palm. It was so hard to give up! Gathering all of his willpower, the young boy loosened his grip and placed the knife in his father's hand with a quiet sigh.

"I'm proud of you, Sev. I know that was difficult," Albus gently praised, banishing the knife. Severus bit his lip and looked down. "Will you come out from under the bed, please?" The child hesitantly crawled out from under the bed and stood up, curling his arms protectively around himself. His shoulders were hunched, his eyes fixed on the floor, and his body held rigidly in place. Albus and Minerva inwardly sighed, knowing that this would not be an easy conversation. Their small son's posture was screaming of fear. It was clear that he was bracing himself for the next blow.

"Severus, you are safe with us. We will not hurt you," Minerva said soothingly as she reached out and gently took his arm. Severus flinched at the contact, but accepted her help getting onto his bed. "I think it's time we talked about your childhood with Tobias," his mother said slowly.

Severus froze in fear. His survival instincts kicked in, and he knew that he had to deny it. Deny the abuse, deny everything, or severe punishment would follow. It was ingrained in him. He shook his head mutely.

"Severus, your father can't hurt you any longer. You can tell us," Minerva reassured. Alan had explained that this was probably the hardest part for abused children to deal with. After guarding the secret of their abuse for so long, talking about it and laying it all out unhinged them.

Severus closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, relieved when he noticed most of his panic disappearing. Once he felt relatively composed, he opened his eyes and sneered. "There's nothing important to talk about," he spat defensively.

His parents exchanged a wary glance. It seemed that Severus was mentally back to his adult self, and adult Sev was much more stubborn than ten-year-old Severus. However, adult Severus was also able to handle the facts more rationally. "Severus, your healer told us that you have to open up and talk about the abuse if you want to get better. I believe he also told you that it's essential to your recovery," Minerva reminded him.

"I do not need to get better. The childhood flashbacks are a mere side effect of the de-aging potion. Once the antidote is finished, I will be back to normal. I do not need to talk about my childhood," Severus replied frostily.

"And what is normal for you, Severus? Suffering in silence and hiding your pain until it becomes too much for you to handle?" Albus retorted. "Alan believes that many of your unhealthy habits stem from your childhood, and the only way to heal is to talk about it."

"Well, Alan is wrong. I do not need to talk about my father's treatment of me. I am fine as a child, and I am fine as an adult!" Severus snapped angrily.

"Oh, so you think that harming yourself and getting drunk on Firewhiskey at age ten is 'fine'? And that regularly self-harming as an adult and then trying to commit suicide means that nothing is wrong?" Albus' voice softened when he saw his son's body stiffen. "You need to talk about this Sev, and if I have to use legilimency, I will."

Severus' eyes snapped up. "You wouldn't dare," he growled, glaring daggers at his adoptive father.

"I don't want to use legilimency, but I will if it will stop you from self-harming and drinking yourself into oblivion," Albus said sternly.

"You don't have any right! You're not my fath-" Severus broke off in realization and bit his lip, fixing his eyes on the blanket.

"Yes, I am your father, and as your dad, I need to help my son heal when he is hurt. Your mother and I care about you very much, and we will do whatever it takes to help you heal, even if we have to give you a push," Albus stated firmly. "Now, will you talk to us, or will I have to use legilimency?"

Severus inwardly cursed and closed his eyes, trying desperately to raise his occlumency shields. He paled considerably when he realized his ten-year-old self hadn't developed them yet. He was completely vulnerable, and he absolutely hated being vulnerable. He heard a sigh and opened his eyes to see his father taking out his wand.

"Look at me, Sev," Albus ordered gently but firmly.

"No!" Severus shouted, instinctively hiding under his blankets. He knew that he was acting childish again, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted his parents to leave. He didn't want them to see what a worthless freak and waste of space he was. He didn't want them to see how he couldn't even defend himself against his muggle father.

His parents shared a look and sighed, quietly sitting down on the bed. "We're not leaving until you talk with us, Sev," Minerva said, pausing and waiting for a reaction from the hiding boy. When no movement was made by the lump under the blankets, she gently pried the blankets off of her son, exposing his head.

"I won't use legilimency if you talk with us, Sev, but we have to know what happened in order to help you heal," Albus said solemnly.

"Please, don't make me tell you. I don't want you to know," Severus pleaded.

"You were allowed to leave St. Mungo's on the condition that you talked with us, Sev. Alan didn't let you leave just so you could try and avoid all of things that are bothering you. It won't work to bottle it up forever, and you'll only end up hurting yourself in the end. Don't you want to heal emotionally, Sev?" Albus asked, raising his wand again.

Severus gulped and frantically looked for an escape route. Running was all he could think about. He bolted blindly towards the open door and cursed when he ran into an invisible barrier. His room was clearly still spelled so that he couldn't leave without someone accompanying him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched. Whirling around, he saw Minerva standing before him, her wand poking out of her pocket. On instinct, Severus snatched the wand from her and quickly backed away, holding it shakily in front of him. "D-Don't come any closer," he warned, a slight tremor in his voice.

Albus sighed. "You don't want to hex us, Severus."

Severus didn't back down, but he bit his lip hesitantly. His father was right. He wouldn't actually hex his parents, but he also didn't want to give up his only means of defense. "Don't u-underestimate me," he stuttered weakly, his arm trembling.

Albus sighed and flicked his wand, causing Minerva's wand to fly out of Severus' grasp. Severus gulped again. He was petrified of his parents seeing his father abuse him and discovering what a weakling he was. Severus found himself unable to speak, and he stared at Albus with the wide open eyes of a frightened child. He tried to step back, only to collide with someone. Minerva had encircled him from behind when Albus had disarmed him.

"Okay, that's enough." Minerva said in a gentle yet firm voice. In one fluid motion, she had Severus' back pressed against her chest and was holding him in place, forcing his arms to cross over his chest.

"No, stop it! Please, let me go!" Severus shouted desperately. The child pleaded and tried to wriggle out of her grasp, but she held on tightly. He was trapped. Tears slid down his cheeks. His struggling was useless because Minerva knew exactly how to hold him, and Severus didn't even know if he wanted to get out of his mother's arms any longer. He was horrified that they would know all about the abuse, but at the same time, he was glad that his secret would finally be known. Maybe he wouldn't have to go through it all alone any longer.

Albus slowly approached the shaking child. He stopped struggling against Minerva, and she gently placed him on the bed again. "You can trust us, Sev. We won't judge you. You know that. We love you, and we will take care of you," Albus whispered.

Severus nodded and slowly raised his eyes. His breath trembled as he felt a gentle probe and childhood memories started to run through his mind.

Severus watched, ashamed, as his father thrashed him over and over again, and how he was powerless to stop him. He watched how his mother tried to protect him before dying and leaving him to face Tobias' wrath alone. He saw the moment when he first self-harmed, and when his father tore up his only stuffed animal - the snake his mother had given him. He remembered trying to form a mask of indifference when inside he had wanted to cry and rage, but he had known that it would only further anger his father, so he had pushed the emotions down. It was on that day, shortly after his eighth birthday, that he had started to practice his masks. To hide his emotions behind one and never show weakness.

Albus withdrew from his mind, and Severus looked down in shame. "I'm sorry you adopted such a weakling as a son. I tried to warn you-" Severus began miserably. He was interrupted when his parents quickly leaned in to hug him.

"Oh, Sevvy," Minerva said sadly, having seen the memories through a temporary mental link with Albus. Severus tried to pull away from her embrace, mildly frightened, but felt himself leaning into it instead as his mother began whispering to him softly, soothingly.

"You are not weak, Severus. No child could have defended himself against that vile creature who hurt you so badly. You were just a child, Sev. You are not to blame for the abuse. It is not your fault," Albus said firmly.

"He-he said I deserved it for being such a worthless freak. He would make me apologize for being such a burden before every beating and then-then I would have to t-thank him for trying to teach me how to stop being such a burden," Severus stuttered, crying softly.

His parents exchanged a horrified glance, and Albus pulled the trembling boy onto his lap. Minerva gently took her son's hand and tilted his chin up to meet his tear-filled eyes. "He was absolutely wrong, Severus. You did nothing to deserve the abuse. No one ever deserves to be abused."

"B-But I was being a burden," Severus choked out.

"No, you were not. Everything he told you was a lie. You are NOT a worthless freak or a burden. You are a joy to have in our lives, Sev, and nothing could make us happier than to be able to call you our son," Albus said sincerely.

"E-Even when I'm bad and hurt myself or do something stupid?" Severus asked timidly.

"Always, Severus. Always."

Severus stared in shock as he processed what his parents' words meant. He quickly turned his head and buried it in his father's chest. "I don't know how I got so lucky as to have you both as my mum and dad," he murmured, his voice muffled by Albus' nightshirt.

Minerva rubbed his back. "We're the lucky ones, Sev. Thank you for letting us adopt you and for making our family complete," she said lovingly.

After a few minutes of muffled sobs, Severus' face emerged from his father's chest. The child gratefully wiped his eyes with the tissues Minerva had handed him.

After their son had calmed down, Albus gently took his bandaged wrist. "Severus?" he asked softly, turning his son's injured forearm so that the child could tell what he was referring to. "Why do you self-harm when you're upset?" There was a moment of silence.

"It-It helps," Severus whispered. "It helps with the pain. When I cut, it hurts less emotionally, like a distraction," he added.

"When did you start?"

"When I was eight and my mother died. Father became even more violent towards me since Mother wasn't there to help shield me from his anger. He would beat me whenever he wanted, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I needed to be able to control something in my life, and cutting was how I did that."

"There was a change in your behavior after a certain incident in your memories. You started acting impassive and self-harming more viciously." Severus nodded, knowing exactly which memory Albus was referring to.

"My father made me watch as he destroyed the only stuffed animal I had. It was a snake that my mother had gotten me when I was little. It was a reminder that she would always be there for me. I was furious and heartbroken at the time, but showing emotions was showing weakness, and my father was determined to beat the weakness out of me. I started learning how to hide my emotions behind masks. I learned to deny my emotions, and self-harm became my emotional release, but in the form of physical pain I could control," he whispered.

"Did it get at all better when you went to Hogwarts?" Albus questioned.

Severus nodded. "Yes, a little. It was better when I was away from my father for most of the year, but Hogwarts was hard for me in different ways. I still self-harmed frequently in school, and it became worse once I joined the Dark Lord. Self-harm continued to be my source of control. I hadn't been able to control when my father hurt me, and I couldn't control when the Dark Lord tortured me, but when I cut, I was the only who decided how much pain I would feel. It became a coping mechanism for when I felt my life was out of my control."

"And after the war?"

"I did not feel that I was worthy of living after all the pain and death I caused. It was my penance," he answered quietly.

"Do you still feel that way?" Minerva asked.

"No, I don't. I have doubts and insecurities about the war sometimes, but Alan and you both helped me realize that it wasn't all my fault." His parents looked relieved that he no longer self-harmed to punish himself, but there was still the issue of his most recent cutting.

"What do you think has triggered your cutting since then?" Albus asked gently.

Severus bit his lip and looked away. "I-It all becomes too much sometimes. My childhood memories are so vivid in my mind, and I react the same way I would have as a child when I have a flashback. Being de-aged suddenly reverted me back to an age where I wasn't quite able to handle all of my emotions, and my pent-up adult emotions combined with my childhood fears and instincts have left me feeling overwhelmed and out of control at times," he admitted. "Cutting is my natural coping mechanism. For the past twenty-four years, it was the only way I knew how to deal with everything." He glanced at his parents who were watching him sadly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before… just, well, you know all of my insecurities now," he finished, staring at his blanket.

Minerva leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead. "There is nothing to apologize for, Sevvy. We are so proud of you for sharing that with us."

"You understand that you can come to us whenever you feel overwhelmed, right, Severus?" Albus asked.

Severus nodded and smiled sheepishly. "Yes, I realize that now. I-It's not easy for me to confide in others, but I'll try my best." He tried to cover up a yawn, but his parents quickly spotted it.

"Thank you for trusting us, Son. Why don't you go back to sleep now. We'll stay with you in case you have a nightmare."

Severus nodded and sleepily allowed his father to place him under the blankets and tuck him in. "Sleep well, Sev."

Severus closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling on his father stroking his hair and his mother holding his hand. He felt so much lighter after finally sharing the truth with someone. His parents had been so supportive, and he now knew that he could trust them with anything. He finally wasn't alone anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Albus poked his head into Severus' room and smiled. Severus was lying belly-down on the rug, his eyebrows scrunched together in concentration as he read one of the advanced potions books from his bookshelf. He really was an adorable child, quiet and insecure, but thoughtful and kind. Of course, the insecurity came from growing up with Tobias Snape, and Albus hoped that having a loving family would help Severus gain more confidence and not feel the need to hide behind masks when he was an adult again.

"Sev? You ready to go? Your mother is already there," Albus said. Severus reluctantly tore his eyes away from the page and looked up.

"Can I bring my book since you and Mum won't let me join the staff meeting?" the boy asked with a slight accusation in his tone.

"Of course, Sev. You know that the only reason we don't think it would be a good idea for you to attend is because we have a lot of topics to cover, and you'll likely get bored. You're welcome to sit through a few hours of figuring out logistics, but you've always complained about staff meetings in the past," Albus responded calmly.

Severus sighed as he sat up and carefully marked his page. "Sorry, you're right. I just hate being excluded from all of the adult things, but I can't say I enjoyed the meetings that covered logistics. But don't think you can put Slytherin and Gryffindor together for all my classes, just because I'm not there!" Sev said, looking a bit worried.

"Oh, but where would be the fun if there wasn't friendly competition between students?" Albus asked, his eyes twinkling madly.

"Sounds like a bloody disaster," Severus muttered, yelping in surprise when Albus slapped him lightly on his bum. "Hey!" he protested, scowling at his dad.

"Language, Sev," Albus said with mock disapproval. Severus rolled his eyes and stepped into the fireplace.

"Hogwarts, Headmaster's office."

Severus stepped out and started in surprise when he realized his colleagues were already assembled in Albus' office. He started shaking nervously as everyone except Minerva stared at him in shock. "Mum? You didn't tell them?" he whispered timidly.

Minerva's eyes widened in realization, and she immediately came over and put a reassuring arm around her frightened son. "Everyone, this is Severus, as I'm sure you realized. There was a slight incident with a potion, but Sev should be back to his regular age within a week or two," she explained. This didn't cause anyone to stop staring at him like he was an extraterrestrial, and Severus quickly hid behind his mother's legs. Being the center of attention had never been a good thing when he was originally a child. It had almost always meant punishment or humiliation.

The floo went off behind them and Albus stepped out, his eyes immediately going to the child cowering behind his wife. "What's wrong, Sevvy?" he asked gently.

"Make them stop staring, Dad," Severus whimpered. Albus shot a glare at his colleagues and they immediately averted their eyes, only watching out of their peripheral vision. Minerva looked meaningfully at her husband, and Albus picked up their son and gently took him into their personal quarters which connected to his office. He set the child down on the couch and sat down next to him.

"You alright there, Sev?" he asked quietly. "I'm so sorry we forgot to tell the staff what happened. It just slipped our minds with everything else that's been going on," Albus said apologetically.

"I'm fine. Sorry, it was just a childhood reflex. Getting so much attention always meant trouble for me when I was younger. I was just startled by their reactions, but I understand it was quite a surprise. Go to the meeting, I'll be fine," Severus replied with a small smile.

"Are you sure?" Albus asked worriedly.

"Dad, I'll be fine. Go," he said, giving his father a slight push.

Albus fondly ruffled his son's hair, ignoring Sev's protests. "Alright, Sev. Just come get your mother or I if you need anything."

* * *

Albus entered his office just as Minerva was finishing scolding the staff for frightening Severus. As soon as she heard the door, she quickly turned around. "Is Severus alright?"

"Severus is perfectly fine now. He was just taken by surprise at all the attention. Now, I'm sure you all have questions. We will answer the questions we think you should know in order to help you avoid frightening Severus again, but some things will be kept private," Albus said, addressing his colleagues as he settled down behind his desk.

"Did Severus call you Mum and Dad?" Pomona asked.

Albus nodded. "Yes, Minerva and I adopted Severus after he was de-aged." The staff looked slightly surprised, but nobody commented. They had already noticed the growing relationship between the three of them after the war had ended.

"How was Severus de-aged to a child again?" Remus inquired curiously. "Is he working on an antidote?"

"Severus was staying in St. Mungo's for personal reasons, and Bellatrix Lestrange managed to sneak her way into his room. He was tortured and hit with a bone and organ shrinking curse, and the only way to save his life was to de-age him. We have not allowed him to work on the antidote because he is magically at the level of a ten-year-old. St. Mungo's has been developing it over the past few weeks," Minerva explained.

Filius sighed sadly, his sharp Ravenclaw mind making the connections. "That's why Severus reacted in fear when he saw all of us. By de-aging to a child, his mental and emotional maturity most likely decreased as well. I assume his childhood memories are much more vivid, and we all did suspect his childhood was not happy given his behavior as a student here." The staff looked up at Albus for confirmation, and he nodded sadly.

"That is correct, Filius. Severus was abused by Tobias Snape for his whole life until his father died. That vile creature greatly hurt Severus, both physically and mentally. He lowered Severus' self-esteem and self-worth to almost nothing, and constantly called his son a burden and freak," Albus said, gripping his chair angrily.

"You have all had to take care of a few abused children during your time at Hogwarts, so you know how to act around them. Severus also still has his adult memories, and he frequently switches mentally between his childhood and adult self. Based on what age he is acting, you should treat him accordingly. Severus is, like all of us, still struggling to adjust to life after the war, and being de-aged has just added to the difficulty of adjusting," Minerva finished.

"Oh, that poor child has been through so much!" Pomona exclaimed tearfully.

"Indeed, he has. All we can do now is make sure he knows we care about him," Albus sighed. "Are there any more questions before we discuss the upcoming school year?" There were solemn faces all around as the staff contemplated the hardships their old student and now colleague had gone through, but no one had any more questions. "Alright, then let's move on. Have you all finished drafting your lesson plans?"

The meeting continued productively for the next few hours. The staff had chosen prefects, the Head Boy and Head Girl, and worked out the class schedules for each house. They were just finishing up when a loud, high alarm started going off in the office. _Severus._

* * *

Severus stared listlessly at his potions book after his father left for the staff meeting. He felt like an idiot for panicking in front of his colleagues. "They're all going to think I'm a weak now," he thought in distress. "All those years of putting up masks to avoid getting hurt, and I just messed up and showed them how vulnerable I am!" Severus swiped angrily at a tear and tried to calm himself down, returning to the potions recipe he'd been reading. "Pull it together, Sev. Focus on the potion." He took a deep breath. "Okay, maybe if I add the Boomslang after the Monkswood, it would eliminate the itching sensation that this book's recipe has…?" he mused out loud. "Oh Merlin, I'm an dunderhead. Switching the order of those ingredients would cause an explosion. I can't even focus on potions!" Severus yawned and sleepily rubbed his eyes. "I wonder what they're talking about in that meeting, though," he thought, his eyes closing as he strained his ears to see if he could eavesdrop.

" _The child is such a burden!" Albus said._

" _We wish we had never adopted him! The child is a freak and doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone," Minerva added._

_Severus felt tears welling up behind his eyes as he heard what his adoptive parents said. He looked around and saw his colleagues nodding sympathetically. "Mum? Dad?" Sev whispered in a heartbroken voice._

" _We don't have a son. We only have a ungrateful burden who we hate!" Albus spat at him. Severus immediately shrunk back at his father's venomous words._

" _But-but I thought you said you loved me," Sev said quietly, his eyes glistening with emotion._

" _Like anyone could ever love you. You're worthless," Minerva said with venom in her voice._

_Severus ducked his head. "I-I'm sorry. I know. I'm just a burden," he confessed despairingly, tears pouring silently down his cheeks. He choked back a sob and closed his eyes._

When he opened them again, he was disoriented to find himself in Albus' personal quarters. "It wasn't real. It wasn't real. It was just a nightmare," he whimpered to himself as he hugged his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth. "I need a distraction," he murmured. He shakily walked into his old bedroom and reached underneath the mattress. Grabbing the knife he had hidden there during his fourth year, he brought it to his wrist. "No, I can't. I promised Mum and Dad that I would talk to them when I felt the urge to cut. But they're in a staff meeting, and I'll just be a burden if I interrupt!" He stood there for a few moments, the blade held against his wrist as he battled his instincts to cut. With a burst of courage, the child slowly approached the connecting door, a hand still clutching the knife. Severus felt himself trembling as he stood in front of Albus' office door. "Should I knock? What if my dream was true and they really do think I'm a burden? They're the ones who always told me they loved me, but I've always known I was unlovable. Have they finally realized the truth? Will they send me back to Father?" Sev panicked, gasping when he realized he had automatically dug the blade across his wrist, leaving an obvious, wide cut. The ten-year-old stood wide-eyed and stared at the door in horror, hoping the staff hadn't heard him gasp. Liquid threatened to spill from his eyes. Suddenly, the door flew open, and Severus was faced with the concerned gazes of all the staff.

"Sev?" Albus asked.

Severus paled when he noticed the horrified looks of his colleagues when they saw the blood dripping from his wrist. "I'm sorry!'' he burst out, shoving the handle of the knife into his father's hand.

Severus did not wait for a response. He turned on his heel and fled toward the delusional isolation of Albus' quarters. He ran into his old room, not bothering to close the door, and quickly locked himself in the bathroom. He was an absolute idiot!

Back in the staff room, everyone was staring at Albus and the bloody knife that had been shoved into his hand. "Excuse us," Minerva said hastily as they both rushed after their son. They quickly entered the bedroom, but didn't see the young boy anywhere. A whimpering from the bathroom caught their attention, and they cautiously approached the door. Minerva rattled the doorknob, only to find it locked.

"Sevvy? Can you open the door, please?" Minerva asked, taking out her wand. They listened for a response, but heard nothing but muffled sobs. "Alright, your father and I are coming in, Sev. Alohomora," she muttered, tapping the door. It clicked open to reveal a small child cowering in the tub.

''Please don't be mad! Please don't hate me! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry to disturb the staff meeting. I didn't think clearly…I'm sorry!'' Severus cried out. Minerva quickly surveyed the scene and her brow furrowed in concern when she noticed the blood coming from his wrist.

"I need to heal your wrist, Sevvy," she said firmly, reaching out. Severus flinched back and cradled his wrist, refusing to let his mother see it. "Severus, let me see your arm," Minerva ordered sternly. The child reluctantly held out his bleeding wrist, flushing in shame and staring at the floor of the tub. He refused to make eye contact, even as Minerva spelled the tub clean and tenderly wrapped his wrist in a bandage. "Come on, Sev. Let's go to your bedroom."

Albus leaned over and scooped his frightened son into his arms. Severus flailed in panic like a helpless child, but Albus' soothing voice calmed him down. His father sat down on the bed, holding Sev to his chest as Minerva rubbed his back. Severus sniffled quietly, scared and needing reassurance.

"What's wrong, Sev?"

The child responded by hiding his face more into Albus' shirt. "I'm sorry," he mumbled into his father's chest.

Albus spoke gently. "Could you tell us what happened?"

"It's stupid," Severus replied bitterly.

"Did you have a nightmare?" his father continued. Severus realized there was no point in denying it and affirmed in a barely audible voice.

"Is that why you harmed yourself?" Minerva asked in a soft tone.

The only warning they had of the impending tears was the slight tremble of Sev's bottom lip. The ten-year-old nodded and buried his face into his father's chest. Muffled sobs echoed throughout the room. Albus tightened his arms around the hurting child, and Minerva resumed rubbing circles on his back.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Albus asked, after his son's tears had calmed into just the occasional sniffle.

"I-I heard you and Mum say that I was a burden, and no one could ever love me, and that y-you wished you'd never adopted me," Sev sniffled.

"Oh, Sevvy. That's absolutely not true," Albus responded sorrowfully.

"We love you so much, and we'll never regret adopting you. You know that, right?" Minerva added.

Severus remained silent for a few moments as he thought about his relationship with Albus and Minerva ever since he had been stunned and dragged to the hospital wing. They really had shown him how much they loved and cared about him, and it was clear they didn't expect anything in return. They had fed him when he was sick, scolded him when he was reckless, sat with him when he'd had nightmares, and constantly told him that they cared.

"Sevvy?" he heard a voice ask. Severus looked up to see the worried expressions of his parents. He slowly nodded, a small smile on his lips.

"I love you too," Severus replied softly. It was the first time he'd ever said those words.

* * *

Meanwhile, the staff room was a storm of whispered speculations. The blood that had dripped on the floor had been spelled away, but the image of the bleeding ten-year-old boy whom most of them had taught was burned into their minds.

"He was holding a knife. Do you think that Severus harmed himself on purpose?" Pomona whispered in horror.

"It's most likely, Pomona. There were a lot of scars on his arms. He's probably been self-harming for years," Remus sighed. "I can't believe nobody noticed when he was at school."

"We should've noticed. Everyone except you, Remus, taught Severus for seven years. The professors at this school should have realized something was wrong. We have greatly failed one of our students," Filius said solemnly.

The door opened, and the three professors looked up to see Albus, Minerva, and Severus walk through the door. Severus shuffled awkwardly and stared at his feet, sensing the tension. It was Remus who finally broke the silence. "How are you doing, Severus?" he asked nervously.

Severus looked up in shock, surprised that the werewolf would be friendly to him, even after all of his nasty insults and jibes. "I'm alright. Thanks for asking, L-Remus," Severus replied, giving a tentative smile. He could tell that everyone in the room was shocked by his polite response, and he shifted uncomfortably. "I-I'm sorry for always treating you so badly. I let the Slytherin-Gryffindor house rivalry obscure my judgment, and I apologize for that," he added, feeling like his adult self once again. Remus was clearly surprised by his apology, but he smiled in return.

"I understand. I apologize as well for not standing up for you during our school years. The house rivalries are definitely still a problem," Remus replied with a sigh.

"And that's exactly why I've decided that all of your potions classes will be strictly Gryffindor and Slytherin, Severus. Each house will be forced to interact and make friends with the other house," Albus said cheerfully, trying to lift the mood.

Severus immediately paled and turned to look at his father. "Please tell me you are joking," he implored. Albus merely smiled in reply, his eyes twinkling.

"I think it's a great idea, Sev. Maybe a Gryffindor dunderhead and a Slytherin dunderhead working together will result in a perfect potion," Albus replied in a teasing tone.

"Dad-" Severus began warningly.

"Don't worry, Sev. Your father didn't really put the two houses together for potions. His copious consumption of lemon drops hasn't yet damaged his brain to the extent of putting two feuding houses together for a class as dangerous as potions," Minerva interrupted, taking pity on her son's increasing looks of horror as her husband kept teasing him. Severus sighed in relief.

Albus, however, looked indignant. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with lemon drops," he said, taking one from his desk and popping it in his mouth. "You love them, don't you, Severus?"

Severus looked at the lemon drop being offered to him in disgust. "You are well aware that I absolutely despise those infernal sweets you are addicted to," he replied with a wince. Albus put the sweet back in the bowl with mock sadness and turned to face his son.

"Oh, there's no need to deny your love for the lemon drops, Severus. Just admit that you love them," Albus said, a mischievous look in his eyes. Severus immediately noticed the look, but before he could take a step back, his father had pounced on him and was mercilessly tickling his ribs.

"Ahhh, stop it!" Severus squealed, collapsing on the floor in a fit of giggles.

"Not until you admit that you love lemon drops!" Albus replied, digging his fingers into his son's side. The boy squirmed helplessly under his father's talented fingers, shrieking in laughter.

"Never! I hate lemon drops!" Severus panted. His father continued his attack, and the child howled with laughter when Albus found his extra sensitive tickle spots.

"Are you sure about that, Sev? All you need to do is admit that you love lemon drops," Albus teased. Severus stubbornly shook his head in protest. "Alright, you had your chance."

Severus saw the look in his father's eye and shook his head helplessly. "No, don't-" Albus ignored him, targeting his son's sensitive armpits. Severus was instantly reduced to hysterical laughter. "No… please… AHH… STOP!" he managed between gasps for air.

"Will you admit that you love lemon drops?" Albus questioned. Severus didn't reply, and his father renewed his attack with vigor, mercilessly attacking his stomach, then his ribs, and then his sides. The result was instantaneous, and giggles erupted from the squirming child.

"AHH… please... okay, okay, I admit it!" Severus choked out between bursts of laughter.

"What do you admit?" Albus prompted, still tickling his son.

"I love lemon drops!" Severus gasped out.

"What was that, Sev?" Albus teased, not ceasing his attack.

"I love lemon drops! I love lemon drops! Now STOP!" Severus wailed. Albus finally relented and released him, chuckling at his son's flushed face and playful scowl. "Mum, why didn't you help me?" the child whined, looking over at where his colleagues were chuckling at his misfortune.

"Why, I simply didn't want to get in the way of quality bonding time with your father," Minerva replied, shooting her husband an amused glance. Severus crossed his arms and pouted. Minerva chuckled and reached out, ruffling her son's hair with affection.

"Mum, stop it! You're embarrassing me!" Severus huffed indignantly as he pulled away. "Although after that tickle attack, most of my pride and dignity has already been lost," he accused, glowering at Albus. His father's eyes twinkled as he met the gazes of his clearly amused staff.

"Ah, Severus. I don't think any of us have heard you laugh like that since you were in your fourth year and pulled that amusing prank on your mother that resulted in all of her clothing having sardines on them," Albus responded, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye.

"How interesting. If I recall, the culprit was never caught and properly punished for that misdemeanor," Minerva said slowly, turning to smile sweetly at her son. Severus gulped and took a step backwards. "Maybe another dose of tickling-" she began, pulling back her sleeves and wiggling her fingers ominously at her son.

Severus' eyes widened. "Daddy, help me!" he screamed, running for his life as Minerva started to chase him around the office.

"Staff meeting is over!" Albus called out cheerfully before grabbing his son and disappearing in the fireplace.

Minerva stopped her pursuit as she watched her son and husband escape to Diagon Alley. She chuckled and turned to face her smiling colleagues. "I will see you all in a few weeks. Owl me if you have any questions about the plans for the new school year!" She stepped into the fireplace and was gone in a flash of flames.

As soon as Minerva stepped out, Severus quickly hid behind his father, using him as a human shield against his mother's possible wrath. Minerva smirked at the scene and looked at her husband. "Where did Severus go, Albus?" she asked innocently. As her husband started to reply, Minerva suddenly lunged, scooping up her surprised child and digging her fingers into his stomach. Severus burst out in squeals of laughter, squirming helplessly in his mother's arms.

"Daddy, help me!" he pleaded.

Albus raised his hands in surrender. "Sorry, Son, but I learned a long time ago not to interfere with your mother's revenge."

"That's right, dear," Minerva said sweetly. "Now, Severus. Care to admit to any pranks you've played on me?"

"Innocent until proven guilty, Mum. I admit to nothing." His eyes widened, and he gulped nervously as Minerva's wiggling fingers slowly came closer and closer. "Okay, okay, I admit it!" he burst out. "I charmed all of your clothes to have sardines on them for a week! Please, no more tickling," Severus implored, giving her his puppy eyes. Minerva snorted but set her son down on the floor. Severus straightened his clothes and glared at his father.

"Thanks a lot for the help, Dad," he said sarcastically.

Albus laughed. "Come on, Sev. How does ice cream from Florean Fortescue's Parlor sound?"

Severus suddenly froze. "I-I don't deserve ice cream," he said in a small voice, hanging his head. His parents exchanged a concerned look at his sudden change in behavior.

"Why don't you deserve ice cream, Sev?" Minerva asked carefully, kneeling down so that she was at her son's eye level.

"I interrupted your meeting. I was being a burden. Father said burdens don't deserve nice things. Freaks like me aren't allowed to have ice cream," Severus muttered, scuffing his shoes and staring at the ground. He felt a finger underneath his chin and tilted his head up warily.

"The meeting was basically over, Sev. And you are not a burden or a freak. Tobias was wrong. You are a wonderful young man, and you absolutely deserve nice things," Minerva lectured quietly. Do you understand?" Severus hesitantly nodded, and Minerva smiled sadly, kissing him on the forehead. "Then let's go get some ice cream."

* * *

The parlor was relatively empty. Severus sat with his parents, happily licking his chocolate and raspberry ice cream. Minerva had picked plain vanilla, and Albus had chosen rainbow swirl, a flavor with terribly clashing colors. Severus had barely managed to refrain from snorting when Albus had commented how the colors went together almost as well as his orange and purple robes. His father truly had terrible taste when it came to colors.

Florean had insisted on free ice cream as a thank you for their services to the wizarding world, and Severus was glad that he hadn't had to worry about the costs. Severus hadn't checked his Gringotts vault for months, but he was pretty sure that the hospital bills from his injuries during the Battle of Hogwarts, and now his recent stay in St. Mungo's, had drained most of his savings. If he wanted to continue brewing experimental potions, he would not be able to spend any money on luxuries like ice cream.

Once Severus had finished his treat, he wiped his mouth and looked up. "Are we going back home now?"

"Actually Sev, there is one more stop before we go home," Albus responded. Severus curiously followed his parents but stopped dead when he saw what shop they were entering.

"Why are we here, Father?" Severus asked in a monotone voice. Albus winced at the formal address and looked at his wife for help.

"Come on, Severus," Minerva said, taking his arm and marching him into the store.

"I do not need toys," the ten-year-old stated adamantly, scowling as they walked through the store.

"Alright, Sev. Just take a look and see if anything catches your eye," Albus said.

Severus glowered, determined to merely glance at the toys and leave as soon as possible. As much as he tried though, he couldn't help it when his eyes gazed longingly at the items. Severus had never had any wizarding toys growing up, and Snakey was the only muggle toy he'd ever owned. But even Snakey had been found in the bin of someone else's trash, dirty and used. These toys, though, they were brand new! They even smelled new! He couldn't help the childish longing for a toy of his own that no one had ever played with before. "Stop it, Sev. You are over thirty years old! You do not need toys," he scolded himself as he wandered through the aisles, trying to maintain an indifferent expression and ignore his parents' scrutiny.

However, once they reached the stuffed animal section, Severus felt a painful longing flow through him as he glanced at the toys he had always dreamed for as a child. Severus looked down at his feet, unwilling to let his parents see the longing in his eyes. He was being ridiculous, wishing for a stuffed toy. He might be temporarily trapped in a ten-year-old body, but he was mentally a grown man. "I do _not_ need any toys," Severus muttered, trying to keep his eyes from wandering to the stuffed animal he desperately wanted.

"Sevvy, it's perfectly alright-" Minerva began. Severus crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

"I'm mentally an adult, and the de-aging potion potion will be ready in a few weeks. I'm too old for a stuffed animal!" Even as he spoke, his eyes drifted to the fluffy, spotted doe.

Albus ignored his son's indignant tone and gently picked up the doe. It was the last one left on the shelf. "Here, Sev," Albus said softly, holding out the stuffed animal. "Everyone needs a friend to comfort them, no matter what age they are."

Before he could stop himself, Severus' hands had reached for the doe. He automatically clutched it to his heart. "I-I can really have it?" he asked, not even realizing how young he sounded.

"Of course you can, Sevvy," Minerva replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and guiding him to the counter.

When the clerk stated the price, Severus' face fell. He tugged on Minerva's robes sadly, and she looked at him in concern and knelt down. "What's wrong, Sevvy?"

"I-I can't pay for it. After all the bills from my past two visits to St. Mungo's, I probably don't even have enough money for potions ingredients. It's f-fine. I don't need a stuffed animal anyway," he muttered. Unbidden tears spilled silently from his eyes, and he reached for the doe to return it to the shelf. He had never been able to choose his own toy before, and now he had to give it up because he'd been too stupid to check the price tag.

"Oh, Sevvy," Minerva gasped, tugging him into her arms and rubbing his back. "You won't be paying for it. That's what your father and I are for," she said sadly, horrified that her ten-year-old son had thought he would have to buy his own toys. "Damn you, Tobias Snape," she thought angrily.

"But- why would you pay for it?" Severus asked, looking very confused but slightly hopeful as he glanced at his parents through his fringe of hair.

Albus reached out and brushed his son's hair out of his eyes. "Severus, you are our son, now. And as your parents, we will pay for what you need," he said.

"Are-are you sure? I don't want to be a burd-" Severus began uncertainly, but Albus cut him off.

"We are absolutely positive, Sev. You are not a burden, and we are happy to finally be able to buy you something you'll like. Also, your hospital bills were not charged to your Gringotts account. Your mother and I have considered you to be our son ever since fourth year, and taking care of our child's health is our responsibility," Albus replied firmly. "No arguments. You will not pay us back," he added when Severus looked like he was about to protest. "We are your parents, and we will take care of you, whether it be financially, emotionally, or physically."

"Thank you," Severus whispered gratefully. He felt strange accepting his parents' generosity, but he was finally starting to understand how family worked. Family took care of each other, and his parents were taking care of him.

"You are most welcome, Sev," Albus said softly. "Do you have a name for the doe in mind?"

Severus looked at the doe in his arms and hugged it close. He closed his eyes and nodded. "Her name is Lily."

* * *

It was late at night, and Minerva and Albus crept into Severus' room to check on him. They smiled when they saw their child sleeping peacefully with Lily the doe tucked under his arm. After giving him a kiss on the forehead, they closed the door quietly and returned to their room.

"Albus, do you think we should bring Sev back to Alan for more sessions?" Minerva asked, voicing the question she'd been thinking about ever since the child had cut himself again.

"I think we should. He is clearly more open and trusting with us, but his self-esteem has not improved," her husband replied with a sigh.

"I know. The poor child still thinks he's a burden, and our reassurances don't seem to be helping. He needs a trained mind healer to help him keep healing. It's so hard to watch our son suffer," Minerva said, wiping a tear away.

Albus put his arm around her. "I know, Minnie. I will floo call Alan in the morning and ask if he can meet with Severus every other day."

"If Alan could help improve his self-esteem before he is re-aged, there is probably a much greater chance of Severus taking better care of himself as an adult. Sev obviously wouldn't be able to or want to meet with Alan so frequently once he's teaching again, but maybe he would agree to checking in with him every month or so," Minerva said hopefully.

"That would certainly be ideal," Albus responded, closing his eyes tiredly. "We can talk with Sev in the morning."

"I can hardly wait for that reaction," Minerva muttered dryly. Albus chuckled, and Minerva leaned lovingly into her husband. "Goodnight, Albus."

"Goodnight, Minerva." With a wave of his hand, the lights dimmed, and the room faded to black.


	11. Chapter 11

The child swung his legs impatiently as he stared at the clock. He had just finished his therapy session and was sitting in a large, comfy chair in St. Mungo's psychiatric wing, waiting for Alan to return with his parents. When Severus was first told that he would be continuing therapy sessions, he had not been thrilled, to say the least. Upon hearing the news, Severus had let out a stream of profanities and furiously protested, throwing a mild tantrum. His parents had not been impressed, and the result had been a repentant child standing in the corner while the bitter taste of soap filled his mouth. Severus shuddered. He had used the soap spell once or twice on some of his more vulgar students, but it had been years since anyone had used it on him; he was quite eager to avoid a repeated experience with the nasty spell.

Severus had eventually relented and acknowledged that since he still had some unresolved issues, talking to Alan again probably wouldn't be too bad. Ever since then, he had been meeting with his healer every day for the past two weeks. Severus had to admit that therapy was helping him greatly. He rarely flinched at unexpected contact anymore, and if he felt the need to self-harm, he was usually able to repress the urge by using a different coping mechanism or talking with his parents. It would be a long journey of recovery, but he had made great progress from where he had been before he was de-aged.

The door opened to reveal to Alan and his parents. Severus quickly stood up, ready to leave and go home. "One last thing before you leave," Alan said, smiling. "I have good news for you all. The de-aging antidote will be ready tomorrow, so stop by around noon and we'll administer it."

"Oh, that's great! You'll finally be back to your actual age, Sev!" Minerva said, squeezing her son's shoulders.

"Indeed, you will finally be old enough to get your wand. Just in time for Hogwarts," Albus added in a teasing tone, his eyes twinkling.

Severus scowled playfully at his father. "That's fantastic. Thanks so much, Alan," he replied sincerely.

"Yes, thank you, Alan. We'll be back tomorrow to re-age our grumpy little potions master," Albus said fondly, ruffling his hair.

Severus smiled as they apparated back to the house. He was thrilled that he would finally be returning to his regular age. No more having to deal with his adolescent brain, and definitely no more soap spells! Well, perhaps not… he wouldn't put it past his mother to use it on him again if he didn't mind his language. His mother… but would Minerva and Albus still want to be his parents, even after he was his adult self again? They had only adopted him because he was a child and they were saving him from ministry guardianship. Would they love him even when he was back to being the snarky git of the dungeons? Severus was surprised to find that he had enjoyed his second experience as a child. He was happy living with Albus and Minerva, and he almost didn't want anything to change. Once he was an adult again, would he still have a family?

Severus was distracted from his worries when Albus walked into his room. "Have you taken your shower already?" he asked, eyeing his son who was lying underneath the bed covers.

Severus nodded. "Is it story time?" he asked eagerly. Ever since Albus had caught him hesitantly peeking at the children's stories on the bookshelf, his father had made a habit of coming and reading to him every night before bedtime. Severus knew that he was technically too old to be read a bedtime story, but his ten-year-old self adored story time. The attention and love he received from his parents was something he had never experienced during his first childhood, and he craved it.

"What shall we read tonight, Sev?" Albus asked, sitting down on the armchair next to the child's bed. Severus slid out from under the covers and went over to his bookshelf. He skimmed his bookshelf, his eyes stopping on a muggle children's book. Severus took it from the shelf and hesitantly handed it to Albus. "Peter Pan?"

Severus nodded shyly and leaned into the soft pillow on his bed. He let his father tuck him in and thick blankets enveloped him. "I like it. I wish Neverland was a real place and I never had to grow up," he said softly.

"Oh, Sevvy," Albus said, immediately catching onto his son's thoughts. "You don't have to worry about being re-aged. You'll always be our little boy," he responded, kissing his son's forehead.

Severus looked up with hopeful eyes. "Really?"

"Yes, really, Sev," his father responded lovingly. Severus smiled happily and snuggled under his covers as Albus opened the book and began to read. "Peter Pan, by J. M. Barrie. Chapter 1. 'All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs. Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, 'Oh, why can't you remain like this for ever!' This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.'"

Severus slowly drifted off to the sound of his father's deep voice. He had heard of the story years ago and scoffed at Peter, not understanding why anyone would want to remain a helpless child for longer than necessary. But now that he was young again and had a loving family, he finally understood.

"'Second to the right, and straight on till morning.' That, Peter had told Wendy, was the way to the Neverland."

* * *

Severus sat anxiously on the hospital bed in St. Mungo's. The healer at the front desk had said that Alan would be there with the antidote as soon as he was done with his current patient. "You all right there, Sev?" Minerva asked, laying a calming hand on her son's back.

"I'm fine, Mum. I just want to drink the potion and get it over with," Severus replied. He glanced at his father who was sitting next to him on the bed. "Do you think it will hurt a lot?" he finally voiced, allowing his childish nervousness to show. He knew that consuming aging potions was often painful, but he still wanted his parents' reassurance.

"I'm sure Alan will give you a potion beforehand to alleviate the effects," Albus responded reassuringly. True to his prediction, there was a knock at the door, and Alan walked in carrying a potions vial.

"Today's the big day," Alan said, smiling cheerfully. "Are you ready for this, Severus?" he asked.

Severus nodded. "Is that a pain relieving potion?" he asked, eyeing the vial with the murky blue potion.

"Yes, it is. You will be taking this first, and then I will administer the antidote," Alan responded, handing him the vial. Severus took the vial from him and downed it in one gulp, grimacing at the taste.

"Where's the antidote potion?" he asked in confusion, just noticing that Alan had only brought one vial.

"You can't drink the antidote because the potion is too aggressive for your throat. We need to inject it straight into your bloodstream," Alan said matter of factly, taking the syringe out a container in his hospital robes. Severus instantly paled and shook his head.

"I can deal with the potion. I'll be fine!" the child protested vehemently.

"Severus, you won't even notice the prick of the needle with the pain potion you just took. And the antidote will likely cause you to lose consciousness as you re-age, so you won't feel a thing," Alan said gently. He rolled up the boy's sleeve and cast a sterilizing charm on his patient's upper arm. He had just uncapped the syringe when Severus bolted, weaving around the surprised adults and sprinting out the door.

"Severus!" Alan sighed and waved his wand, sending out a signal to all the hospital staff that a child was on the loose. He placed the syringe in a container and gestured to Albus and Minerva who were looking worried. "My apologies. I should have expected that he might run and locked the door beforehand. Let's go look for him. The door to the rest of the hospital requires a password, so he should not be able to leave the wing."

A few hallways away, Severus was frantically looking for an escape. He was terrified of needles and would do anything to avoid getting stabbed by one of those torture devices. The child scanned his surroundings, darting for the closest door. He sprinted through and stopped short, finding himself in an office where a healer was doing paperwork. The healer glanced at him and immediately stood up.

"Young man, I believe your healer is looking for you," she said, walking towards him as he quickly backed away.

Severus turned on his heel and ran down the hall, not bothering to see if the healer was following him. He kept running, taking twists and turns in a desperate attempt to find the exit. Eventually, he reached a dead end with only one door on the side. He could hear footsteps and voices nearby, and he knew that Alan and his parents were close. With a cautious hand, he twisted the door, relieved to find it unlocked, and crept quietly inside.

The room was dark, but Severus could tell that it was an empty, unused hospital room. He could just make out the outline of a bed, and he quickly hid underneath it, curling his knees to his chest and leaning against the wall. "Maybe they won't find me, and I won't have to get the shot," the child thought desperately, knowing very well that they would find him within minutes. He squeezed his eyes shut as the door opened and someone cast a lumos.

"Severus?" Alan and his parents had arrived. "Severus, we know you're in here. Why don't you come out and we can have a little chat about what's frightening you." Severus remained underneath the bed, trying not to breathe in case they heard him. He heard a sigh.

"Point me Severus." Three heads suddenly appeared underneath the bed, exposing Severus' hiding place. "Why don't you come out from under there, Severus. I promise I won't give you the antidote until you're comfortable," Alan said. Severus shook his head and refused to move.

Minerva took out her wand and muttered a spell. Severus' eyes widened when Lily the doe appeared in her hands. "I'm sure Lily will comfort you, Sev. Why don't you come out and talk with all of us?" Minerva suggested softly.

Severus warily crawled out from under the bed and took the stuffed animal from his mother's arms, wrapping his arms tightly around the doe. After a few minutes of silence, he looked up. "Promise the shot won't hurt?" he asked timidly.

"I promise, Severus. Are you ready to go back to the room?" Alan responded. The boy nodded and followed the healer. Albus and Minerva were behind him, a firm hand on each shoulder to make sure he didn't try to run again. When they reached the room, Severus reluctantly climbed up on the hospital bed and hugged Lily tightly, taking a deep breath.

"Okay, I'm ready," the child said, his voice quivering. He felt his parents place reassuring hands on his knees, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

"You won't feel a thing, Severus," Alan said, filling the syringe. The child gave a little nod, not even noticing when the potion was injected. Within seconds, Severus was unconscious. Alan quickly muttered a diagnostic spell, monitoring Severus' health as his features slowly changed to those of his adult self. After about ten minutes, the transformation was complete. Severus was an adult again.

* * *

Severus was in his room, preparing to return to Hogwarts. Alan had kept him at St. Mungo's for overnight observation to make sure there were no complications with the antidote, and he had just returned to Albus and Minerva's house. They were all leaving for Hogwarts in the morning, and then a new school year would begin.

Severus sighed as he made sure he hadn't left anything behind; he knew that he would never be returning. A silent tear ran down his cheek, and he quickly swiped it away. Minerva's comment when he'd been re-aged echoed in his mind. "Now that you're all grown up again, you won't need us anymore." She had confirmed his fears, even though it was inevitable. Albus and Minerva didn't want him as their son now that he was back to his snarky adult self. They had taken care of him when he was a child, but they clearly expected that he wouldn't bother them now that he was an adult.

The Potions Master waved his wand, and the books that had been taken from his Hogwarts quarters flew into his trunk. His eyes rested briefly on all of the stories Albus had read him when he was a child. He wished he could take them with him, but they weren't his property, and that would be stealing. Once Severus' trunk was filled with all of his belongings, he locked it with a flick of his wand and sat down on the bed, his head in his hands. He had experienced a wonderful second childhood for the past month, but now it was over. He no longer had parents. Sure, Albus and Minerva would remain his caring colleagues, but he expected they'd want to nullify the adoption now that he was an adult. After all, who would want to have the greasy dungeon git as their son? There was a knock on the door, but Severus ignored it.

"Severus? Are you okay in there?" Minerva asked from outside the room. She heard no response and worriedly opened the door.

"Please leave me alone, Minerva," Severus said flatly, turning his back to his mother.

"Severus, what's wrong?" Minerva asked, surprised to hear her son call her Minerva instead of Mum. She quickly glanced around the room and saw that it was practically empty. Her eyes fell on his bulging trunk, and she sighed. Severus had clearly stuffed all of his belongings into his trunk, most likely thinking he would never return. She took a step closer, noting her son's rigid and tense posture.

"Nothing is wrong. I just want to be left alone, please." There was a barely noticeable tremor in Severus' voice, but Minerva heard it. A hand caught his wrist, and he looked up. Silently, his mother took out her wand and healed the small little marks from where his nails had dug into his skin. "Sorry," Severus muttered, ducking his head. He felt a finger under his chin, and he looked into his mother's concerned eyes.

"Let's go downstairs, Severus. I think we all need to have a chat," Minerva said softly, placing her hands on his shoulders guiding him into the living room. Severus didn't resist and obediently sat down on the couch she directed him towards. A cup of tea was pressed into his hands, and he automatically brought it to his lips.

"What's wrong, Severus?" Albus asked.

"Nothing is wrong. I have no idea what you are referring to," Severus replied stoically, staring at the teacup in his lap.

"Severus, look at me, please," Albus ordered gently.

Severus continued staring at his tea, not willing to meet his father's gaze. When Albus reached out to take his hand, he snatched it away. "Let me go, Albus! For Merlin's sake, I'm not a child anymore," he huffed, reluctantly glancing up.

Albus carefully studied his son's expression and body language. The calming draught he'd laced the tea with had effectively lowered his son's shields; it was clear that Severus was feeling insecure now that he didn't legally need guardians. "Perhaps not, but you will always be our child, and we will always be your parents," Albus said firmly, trying to reassure his son.

"You-you still want to be my parents? But you said I shouldn't need you anymore now that I'm an adult again," Severus answered unsurely.

"Oh, Severus, I meant that you won't need us to do things like help you keep your face clean or pick out an outfit for the day. We will always be your parents and give you guidance when you need it. We adopted you as our son forever, Severus. And you are still the kind, loving, brave, and cuddly young man that you were as a child," Minerva added with a teasing smile.

Severus opened his mouth in outrage. "I am NOT nor have I ever been cuddly!" he protested, although his eyes were shining with relief and happiness.

Albus' eyes twinkled. "Of course not, Severus. You will be coming back here over the summer though, if you would like, so there's no reason to pack all of your belongings into your trunk." Severus blushed, and he looked down. "You will always be welcome back here, Sev. This is your home, too," Albus finished quietly.

Severus' eyes watered. "I...thank you," he replied softly, sinking back into the couch with relief. He was amazed by how his parents had somehow known exactly what to say to alleviate his worries… his eyes suddenly narrowed and he sat up. Now that he was back to an adult and had regained control over his emotions, his parents should not have been able to read him so easily. Suspicious, he sniffed his tea, his sensitive nose catching the faint scent of a calming draught. No wonder his thoughts had been so obvious. The Potions Master glanced at his father and glowered at the twinkling in the man's eyes, confirming his suspicions that the old coot had indeed spiked his tea. "You manipulative, sneaky bast-" Severus began, a scowl forming on his face.

"I don't think you want to finish that sentence unless you'd like your mouth washed out with soap again, young man," Minerva interrupted sternly. Severus clamped his mouth shut at his mother's warning, but continued glaring at his father.

"I do love it when you glower at me so fiercely, my boy. Admit that you would have refused to take a calming draught without a fight despite clearly needing it," Albus replied with a chuckle. Severus kept his lips pressed together. He would do no such thing. Ever.

Minerva rolled her eyes at her son's stubbornness and interrupted their silent battle. "If you two are finished, we have one last matter to discuss. Severus, now that you'll be living in your own quarters at Hogwarts again, we've made a few modifications to something of yours." Minerva waved her wand and Lily the doe appeared in Severus' lap.

"Lily?" Severus asked curiously, picking up the fluffy doe and cuddling her in his arms.

"Lily is a reminder that we're always going to be here for you, no matter what. We added a few spells so that all you need to do is tap Lily with your wand, and we'll hear your message. We will be able to respond to you, and if anything is wrong, we'll come to you immediately."

Severus swallowed thickly, deeply touched by his parents' reassurance that they would always be there to help him if he had a rough night. "Thanks, Mum and Dad," he whispered.

For the first time in his adult life, he didn't protest when his parents pulled him into their arms.

* * *

The students were seated at their House tables, whispering amongst themselves. There were murmurs of confusion regarding the currently empty chair where their potions professor normally sat. In all their years at Hogwarts, Severus Snape had never been late to anything.

The doors to the Great Hall swung open, and the Potions Master strode in, his dark green robes billowing menacingly behind him. The student body fell silent, gawking at their professor's lack of all black.

Severus stalked up to the head table, scowling fiercely at everyone who was staring at him. The students quickly looked away, and the man smirked inwardly. No need to worry about his reputation. He was still the most feared professor at Hogwarts.

"Ah, I'm glad you could join us, Severus. The first years are just about to be sorted," Albus said, his eyes twinkling as he eyed his son's robes. Severus glared at him and nodded curtly, taking his seat.

Severus watched as Minerva placed the sorting hat on the heads of the nervous first years, clapping and giving a small smile every time one of the students was sorted into Slytherin. Once the first years had settled down at their house tables, Minerva returned to her seat, and Albus stood up to give the welcoming speech. Severus shot daggers at his mother, who smiled sweetly at him in return.

"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our feast, as I know many of you are eager to do, I would like to say a few words. We are finally at peace for the first time in many years. The war with Voldemort is over, but many brave witches and wizards perished in the fight. I would like us to take a moment to honor their memories." There was silence in the hall as the students and staff remembered all who had fought so bravely in the war. "Thank you. Now, let us enjoy the feast, and prepare for a wonderful new year!" Albus sat down, and food appeared on the tables.

"Something on your mind, Severus?" Minerva asked innocently, dishing some potatoes onto her plate.

"Care to tell me why was I not able to find ANY black robes in my closet?" Severus snarled.

"Hmm… I'm not sure. Did you accidentally misplace them? I'm sure you can charm your current ones to be black again," his mother responded casually.

"I tried that! You bloody spelled them so that the color can only be changed by the castor of the spell!" Severus replied indignantly.

"Language, Severus," Albus reprimanded lightly.

"I'm not a student anymore, Headmaster," Severus grumbled.

"No, but you are our son who might be spending some quality time standing in the corner with a soapy mouth," Minerva teased with a hint of warning in her voice.

Severus' face turned a deep crimson. "Mother!"

Minerva smirked as the older professors smiled knowingly at their younger colleague. "Oh, it's not like they don't know, Sev." Severus ducked his head in embarrassment.

"Should've known better than to expect you and Dad to stop embarrassing me once I was re-aged," Severus muttered under his breath.

"Oh, Sevvy. Parents will always take great joy in playfully embarrassing their children," Albus added cheerfully.

Severus scowled darkly. "You both are ruining my reputation as the dreaded Dungeon Bat!"

"Well, you'll just have to be known as the delightful Dungeon Bat instead," his mother responded. Severus silently groaned and dropped his head into his hands with despair.

"The joys of having a family, Severus," Filius commented, smiling at the antics of the young professor.

Severus slowly lifted his head up. "Indeed," he drawled, his voice full of dark, dry amusement. "But revenge is sweet." His parents suddenly looked worried, and Severus smirked. "Gryffindors. They never learn, do they?" he thought, shaking his head in amusement. _Never try to outmaneuver a Slytherin._

* * *

After checking on his Slytherins and making sure they were all settled in, Severus returned to his quarters and prepared for bed. With a relieved sigh, he noticed that his robes had been returned to their original color, although his mother had left a few dark green and dark blue robes in his wardrobe. Shaking his head in amusement at Minerva's less than subtle clothing suggestions, Severus reached for the shelf where he'd placed his black pajamas while unpacking before the Welcoming Feast.

His mouth dropped open in horror. "Mother!" he finally managed to choke out. Gone were the black pajamas, and lying in their place was an adult-sized version of the pajamas he'd worn as a child, bubbling cauldrons and all. With an exasperated sigh and a wry smile, Severus slipped on the cauldron pajamas, knowing that he would never win that battle against his mother. It looked like bubbling cauldron pajamas would be in his future for a long time. "I wonder what else Mum did to my quarters while I was talking with my snakes," he muttered to himself with apprehension. Severus cautiously entered his study and living room, looking for anything that might be out of place. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he pushed the door open to his loo and looked inside.

Severus let out a snort when he saw the large bottle of shampoo and conditioner sitting on the shelf besides the bath. It had been spelled so that the label read, "Perfect for the hair of cuddly, delightful dungeon bats." Severus rolled his eyes at his mother's humor, the sides of his mouth quirking up in amusement. After determining that nothing else was out of order, Severus headed back into his bedroom and lay down. Taking out his wand, he gently poked Lily the doe. "Goodnight, Mum. G'night, Dad," he said quietly. He was just about to nox the lights when he heard the floo go off in his living room.

"You didn't think we were going to let you go to sleep on your first day off school without saying goodnight and tucking you in, did you?" Minerva asked, entering his bedroom with Albus right behind him.

"You don't have to…" Severus began.

"Of course, we do. We can't let our son go to bed without wishing him goodnight in person," Albus interrupted. "Also..." With a wave of his hand, a 2-opening wooden frame appeared in his hand.

"What's that?" Severus asked curiously.

"This is a new piece of art for your wall. A reminder for when you're having a rough day or night." Albus placed the frame in Severus' lap, and both he and Minerva sat down and wrapped an arm around their son.

Severus looked down and tears filled his eyes. On one side, there was a picture of ten-year-old Sev snuggling with his parents and the words "Family Forever" inscribed underneath. On the other side was a piece of parchment paper with 50 lines of "I deserve comfort, care, love, and happiness because I am a worthy and good person." Severus let out a surprised breath.

"You kept the lines I was assigned for detention for all of these months?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I did. Your mother and I suspected that you might need a reminder of those words, so we decided to make sure you would remember what an incredible young man you are, every night before you go to sleep." He waved his wand, and the frame floated to the wall and stuck there.

"Thank you," Severus said quietly.

"You're welcome, Sev. Now, it's getting late, and we wouldn't want our grumpy little potions master to be sleep deprived and terrify the first years too much," Albus teased. Severus rolled his eyes and smiled as his mother leaned over and tucked him in.

"You'll always be our little boy, Sevvy, no matter how old you get, understand?" Minerva asked, shaking her finger in mock sternness at him.

"Yes, Mum, I understand," Severus replied with a smile.

"Pleasant dreams, Sev. We'll see you in the morning," Albus said, leaning over and giving his son a kiss on the forehead. With a flick of his hand, the lights went off.

"Goodnight, Sev. Sleep well," Minerva added, giving the blankets one last push, ensuring that her child was well tucked in.

Severus smiled faintly as he found himself completely mummified in blankets. "Goodnight, Mum and Dad. See you tomorrow." He heard the bedroom door close softly, and he closed his eyes.

He had finally found his family.


End file.
